.....the window rattles, the house creaks, the computer fans whirr, keys go tatta-tap, somebody snickers.....
yes, that's right, we're IM-ing eachother. We were going to watch a movie, but then we ended up sitting there chatting online for about 3 hours I think. heh...geeks! =)
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
"profound" thought of the day
People often talk of the deceased as 'looking down on them' from heaven.
If that's all the afterlife is, then the closest thing to Heaven on Earth is TV.
If that's all the afterlife is, then the closest thing to Heaven on Earth is TV.
Monday, October 02, 2006
neapolitan toes
I went through my closet this weekend and found a bunch of shoes that I never wear, so I decided I ought to try them out and see if I might actually ever want to wear them agian. Unfortunately I chose to try some out this morning and halfway to work I realised that they were a bad choice. When I finally got there and inspected my feet I dsicovered I now had neapolitan ice-feet. Cold, vanilla skin, chocolaty brown mud splotches (thanks to this weekend's rain) and bright strawberry blisters. yum =)
Monday, September 25, 2006
Never ask a Lady that
So I decided to finally go and get a library card, after having moved almost a year ago.
'How old are you?' the library clerk asks me.
The world stops. I stand there like a deer in the headlights. What am I supposed to say? My mind is a complete blank. I have no idea how old I am! I've never been good with math in my head so trying to figure it out from my birthday is going to take me half a century. The clock is ticking. The clerk is staring at me. I have to say something! Then as my mind is still groping around in the amnesiatic dark I hear my mouth spit out "21." Not untill several sentenses later, in the middle of a surprised "you don't look that old" speech does it occur to me 'wait a moment, what did I say? that's not how old I am! umm.... that would be, oh yeah, 24.' But what am I supposed to do? say "wait a minute, actually I'm 24, I don't know why I said 21, but I really do know how old I am, and yeah, that's how old I really am, really." If 21 was pushing it, how on earth could I be convinceing with 24? Feeling too stupid to try to correct myself I just took the card and made a run for it. Oh well.
'How old are you?' the library clerk asks me.
The world stops. I stand there like a deer in the headlights. What am I supposed to say? My mind is a complete blank. I have no idea how old I am! I've never been good with math in my head so trying to figure it out from my birthday is going to take me half a century. The clock is ticking. The clerk is staring at me. I have to say something! Then as my mind is still groping around in the amnesiatic dark I hear my mouth spit out "21." Not untill several sentenses later, in the middle of a surprised "you don't look that old" speech does it occur to me 'wait a moment, what did I say? that's not how old I am! umm.... that would be, oh yeah, 24.' But what am I supposed to do? say "wait a minute, actually I'm 24, I don't know why I said 21, but I really do know how old I am, and yeah, that's how old I really am, really." If 21 was pushing it, how on earth could I be convinceing with 24? Feeling too stupid to try to correct myself I just took the card and made a run for it. Oh well.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Bee Season Open
Around our appartment complex there are a number of Trumpet/Lily type bushes (I’m not good with plant names). The bees love them. You walk down the little garden path and it sounds like you’re in a computer lab complete with buzzing florescent lights. The strange thing is, these bees seem to be dropping like flies. It’s quite treacherous for us bare-footers when the sidewalk is peppered with little booby-trapped corpses resting in peace with stinngers pointed up toward that big rose garden in the sky. Going down to check the mail has become reminiscent of Indianna Jones adventures, you have to watch your step and watch for things whizzing past your head at the same time. Is there some kind of Bee Pleague going around? Poisoned flowers? Homicidal stealth wasps protecting their territory from squatters? -Or how about this: the killer poisoned the bees and placed them on the sidewalk path expecting his target to step on them and then appear to have died from a severe allergic reaction to bees!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
total randomness
Do you ever get a word or phrase stuck in your mind? well this morning I woke up with one repeating it'self to me over and over: scintillating rubber noodles. Over my chex this morning I thought to myself -yes, I've cracked.
Friday, August 18, 2006
reflection of the day
In general, once people get on a road, no matter how much it sucks, or how far out of the way it’s taking them, they rarely bother to take a different one.
yes I am feeling cynical.
yes I am feeling cynical.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Peachy =)
this is a divine moment. I think ambrosia must taste like bryers peach ice cream. mmmm.... yes this moment is beautifull.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Fads and Obsessions
A psychological observation and inquiry.
I have noticed that there are people who obsess and people who don’t. Another way of saying what I mean when I say obsess here is that some people are prone to fads. A fad being: "A fashion that is taken up with great enthusiasm for a brief period of time; a craze." (from dictionary.com) I’m not sure what all the not-obsessive types would be, though one would be the kind that just doesn’t get excited about anything, in fact doesn’t really do or think about anything they don’t have to, I know some people like this. Anyway, the Obsessors seem to make up a good deal of the population - how else could pop-culture survive? That is not to say that all pop-culture savvy people are obsessors, nor that obsessors don’t obsess over many other things that are not popular - there are thousands of little one-person fads going on out there.
The characteristics of the Obsessor or Fadd-ish person, as I think of that personality type, are these: 1a) they are constantly finding new things they really like, 1b) they do not continue to really like most of these things for more than a few months to a year on average. 2) they will go to great lengths to discover all they can about the topic they are currently obsessed about (this may include anything from reading a number of heafty books, to stalking, to fumbling into highly embarrasing situations in the attempts to gain some connection with their obsession) 3) they are driven to collect as much paraphanalia associated with their obsessed topic as possible, and usually display it all prominently in their room, attempting to cover every inch. 4) it is difficult to talk to them about anything else, in fact it is dificult to talk to them at all because usually they are busy talking to you and anyone else who will listen about whatever it is they are obsessed with - this is because they cannot get it off their mind for a moment -every new topic leads back to this one. 5) they have a tendancy to try to appear to be experts on their topic, even with people who could care less about it -which means they won’t gain any respect from that individual. It doesn’t matter, they want to feel like an expert anyway.
The two main charactersistics are that Obsessors get extreemly interested and excited about things (that’s the obsession part of course), but they do not stick with one thing for very long (that’s the fad part). It seems it is impossible for them to be interested in more than one thing at once, but their interest is very intense.
I think it would be interesting to do a study on how much people actually remember from their previous obsessions. I think they probably do retain much of it, but it ceases to be constantly on their minds. Their paraphanalia is relegated to the back of drawers, boxes on the highest shelf, the far corner under the bed, and their vast stores of trivia filed away under ‘nostalgia’ or ‘I can’t believe I was into that’ categories of the mind.
Now it seems to me that in general people who stay very interested in one thing their whole life do not tend to obsess quite as much - we see charicatures of such people frequently enough; people whose whole life is centered around one thing, who don’t posess anything not related to it, who don’t talk about anything else, but I don’t think I’ve ever met one. Another difference seems to be that obsessors tend to focus on something more specific, while people who keep a deep interest over their lifetime tend to be interested in a broader subject, and will at various times be focused in on certain details of that topic, but without treating each with a greater enthusiasm than they show for the subject as a whole. An example could be perhaps one person who is really ‘into’ golf their whole life, and a person who is really ‘into’ Tiger Woods. The seccond person probably has interest in other golfing things only because of their connection with Tiger Woods, while the first person may be fairly interested in Tiger Woods because of his significance in the broader subject of golf. The first will watch many players, and will probably play golf himself because he enjoys it, while the seccond will only watch Tiger Woods play, and may try to learn how because he wants to be like Tiger Woods. The first might own one poster of Tiger Woods, perhaps, while the seccond will probably own several, and a key chain, and a calendar, and a hat,... and clippings of all the news or magazine articles about him.
I have never quite been able to understand the ‘serial obsessor’ types. For myself, whenever I discover something new I like it doesn’t overthrow my other likes. I also tend to learn and accumulate more slowly. As far as I can tell, the topics I like to talk about are pretty much always the same, and usually if I can’t stop talking about something it’s more likely to be a thought which is either troubling or which has suddenly hit me, rather than a thing or person, and doesn’t last more than a few days. I may often say similar things, or be reminded of the same things often, but they are of a wide variety, that is, unconnected to eachother.
I think part of what causes the fads of these obsessive people is that they are naturally intense and passionate, but are searching for a focus for these atributes, or rather, searching for themselves. Naturally everyone searches for himelf in some capacity, and in doing so will try out different interests, but these trials or phases are just more apparent in obsessive people because of their intense persuit.
The interesting thing to me is that with each new idea or topic they will passionately profess it is ‘SO true’ ‘SO right’ ‘SO wonderfull’ whatever it is, it is the only thing worthwhile. But how can they not notice that whatever is so right keeps changing, and therefore how can they be sure this time it is so right, since, after all, they have proven themselves wrong so often before, sometimes coming to despise their former tastes. Do they live so totally in the moment that they do not remember when they felt the same way about something else? That they cannot foresee this current feeling giving itself up for something different? How can one cope with this? How can one loose or reject or forget ones deepest passions? those things which give one individual identity and define one’s soul and approach to life? I am not meaning to sound criticle here so much as ask an honnest question, for I cannot immagine it myself. If I should ever stop liking fantasy, dragons, fairies, longing for Scottland, loosing myself if Beethoven’s music, wearing long skirts and loving to dress up in renaissance clothes, prefering long hair..... then I should feel as though I had ceased to be myself. These are so much a part of me, these are things which I feel intensely about, which I persue and love and preach, and surround myself with. How could I loose intrest in any of them without loosing part of myself? I am convinced I could not. But perhaps for some people this is not so. Perhaps they do not have a sense of losing themselves, or perhaps in spite of their intensity their obsessions never are as much a part of them as mine are to me? I do not know, though I should like to be able to understand. I may be entirely mis-percieving and mis-judging things in regards to such people. In any case, there are my observations. If you have any differing insights I would love to hear them.
I have noticed that there are people who obsess and people who don’t. Another way of saying what I mean when I say obsess here is that some people are prone to fads. A fad being: "A fashion that is taken up with great enthusiasm for a brief period of time; a craze." (from dictionary.com) I’m not sure what all the not-obsessive types would be, though one would be the kind that just doesn’t get excited about anything, in fact doesn’t really do or think about anything they don’t have to, I know some people like this. Anyway, the Obsessors seem to make up a good deal of the population - how else could pop-culture survive? That is not to say that all pop-culture savvy people are obsessors, nor that obsessors don’t obsess over many other things that are not popular - there are thousands of little one-person fads going on out there.
The characteristics of the Obsessor or Fadd-ish person, as I think of that personality type, are these: 1a) they are constantly finding new things they really like, 1b) they do not continue to really like most of these things for more than a few months to a year on average. 2) they will go to great lengths to discover all they can about the topic they are currently obsessed about (this may include anything from reading a number of heafty books, to stalking, to fumbling into highly embarrasing situations in the attempts to gain some connection with their obsession) 3) they are driven to collect as much paraphanalia associated with their obsessed topic as possible, and usually display it all prominently in their room, attempting to cover every inch. 4) it is difficult to talk to them about anything else, in fact it is dificult to talk to them at all because usually they are busy talking to you and anyone else who will listen about whatever it is they are obsessed with - this is because they cannot get it off their mind for a moment -every new topic leads back to this one. 5) they have a tendancy to try to appear to be experts on their topic, even with people who could care less about it -which means they won’t gain any respect from that individual. It doesn’t matter, they want to feel like an expert anyway.
The two main charactersistics are that Obsessors get extreemly interested and excited about things (that’s the obsession part of course), but they do not stick with one thing for very long (that’s the fad part). It seems it is impossible for them to be interested in more than one thing at once, but their interest is very intense.
I think it would be interesting to do a study on how much people actually remember from their previous obsessions. I think they probably do retain much of it, but it ceases to be constantly on their minds. Their paraphanalia is relegated to the back of drawers, boxes on the highest shelf, the far corner under the bed, and their vast stores of trivia filed away under ‘nostalgia’ or ‘I can’t believe I was into that’ categories of the mind.
Now it seems to me that in general people who stay very interested in one thing their whole life do not tend to obsess quite as much - we see charicatures of such people frequently enough; people whose whole life is centered around one thing, who don’t posess anything not related to it, who don’t talk about anything else, but I don’t think I’ve ever met one. Another difference seems to be that obsessors tend to focus on something more specific, while people who keep a deep interest over their lifetime tend to be interested in a broader subject, and will at various times be focused in on certain details of that topic, but without treating each with a greater enthusiasm than they show for the subject as a whole. An example could be perhaps one person who is really ‘into’ golf their whole life, and a person who is really ‘into’ Tiger Woods. The seccond person probably has interest in other golfing things only because of their connection with Tiger Woods, while the first person may be fairly interested in Tiger Woods because of his significance in the broader subject of golf. The first will watch many players, and will probably play golf himself because he enjoys it, while the seccond will only watch Tiger Woods play, and may try to learn how because he wants to be like Tiger Woods. The first might own one poster of Tiger Woods, perhaps, while the seccond will probably own several, and a key chain, and a calendar, and a hat,... and clippings of all the news or magazine articles about him.
I have never quite been able to understand the ‘serial obsessor’ types. For myself, whenever I discover something new I like it doesn’t overthrow my other likes. I also tend to learn and accumulate more slowly. As far as I can tell, the topics I like to talk about are pretty much always the same, and usually if I can’t stop talking about something it’s more likely to be a thought which is either troubling or which has suddenly hit me, rather than a thing or person, and doesn’t last more than a few days. I may often say similar things, or be reminded of the same things often, but they are of a wide variety, that is, unconnected to eachother.
I think part of what causes the fads of these obsessive people is that they are naturally intense and passionate, but are searching for a focus for these atributes, or rather, searching for themselves. Naturally everyone searches for himelf in some capacity, and in doing so will try out different interests, but these trials or phases are just more apparent in obsessive people because of their intense persuit.
The interesting thing to me is that with each new idea or topic they will passionately profess it is ‘SO true’ ‘SO right’ ‘SO wonderfull’ whatever it is, it is the only thing worthwhile. But how can they not notice that whatever is so right keeps changing, and therefore how can they be sure this time it is so right, since, after all, they have proven themselves wrong so often before, sometimes coming to despise their former tastes. Do they live so totally in the moment that they do not remember when they felt the same way about something else? That they cannot foresee this current feeling giving itself up for something different? How can one cope with this? How can one loose or reject or forget ones deepest passions? those things which give one individual identity and define one’s soul and approach to life? I am not meaning to sound criticle here so much as ask an honnest question, for I cannot immagine it myself. If I should ever stop liking fantasy, dragons, fairies, longing for Scottland, loosing myself if Beethoven’s music, wearing long skirts and loving to dress up in renaissance clothes, prefering long hair..... then I should feel as though I had ceased to be myself. These are so much a part of me, these are things which I feel intensely about, which I persue and love and preach, and surround myself with. How could I loose intrest in any of them without loosing part of myself? I am convinced I could not. But perhaps for some people this is not so. Perhaps they do not have a sense of losing themselves, or perhaps in spite of their intensity their obsessions never are as much a part of them as mine are to me? I do not know, though I should like to be able to understand. I may be entirely mis-percieving and mis-judging things in regards to such people. In any case, there are my observations. If you have any differing insights I would love to hear them.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Christmas in July
Well it's not quite July yet, but anyway, a couple days ago I made Gingerbread cookies to satisfy my craving, and today I am sporting a bright shiney rudolf nose, my souvenire from a nice day at the beach. I even got myself a gift: a pretty new bookshelf. yay! my room looks so much nicer. Yes, I am full of happiness and warm fuzzies.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Twister
I have been playing twister with myself on top of a large piece of purpple velvet. It manages to be both slippery and sticky at once - at exactly the opposite moments I wish it to be either. Trying to straighten one end while holding down the other is an interesting yoga-ish feat. But now I have a new dress yay! -that's Katie (a new friend) doesn't she look pretty in it =)
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Death Wish?
Yesterday at work I was slitting a box and the knife got caught and then suddenly ripped free of the tape and flew at my wrist. For a moment I was waiting for a red waterfall to run forth. . .or at least trickle. . .but only a couple of drops came at which point I reflected that it really might have been more lucky if it had been more than a nick - lying down somewhere and regaining my strength from blood loss sounded like a pretty good alternative to facing the mountain of boxes I was supposed to, unrealistically, be able to finnish. And then I started reflecting on my dissappointment that it didn’t bleed, and realised that I’m always disappointed when things don’t bleed. Not that I actually have a death wish, but blood is so pretty, particularly against my white skin. yeah so, maybe I ought to be disturbed at myself.
They really are trying to kill me at work though. This week is Inventory which means we can't have any books left in boxes when they come to do that - they all have to be out so they can count them, and they all have to be registered in our system so they can get a good comparrison of their count to our reccords. HOWEVER some numbskull higher up in the company decided now would be the perfect week to ship us all the 'summer reading' which means at least twice the normal ammount of boxes coming in each day. Agh! To top this off the trash compactor key is lost so now the back room has also become garbage storage. Egad!
They really are trying to kill me at work though. This week is Inventory which means we can't have any books left in boxes when they come to do that - they all have to be out so they can count them, and they all have to be registered in our system so they can get a good comparrison of their count to our reccords. HOWEVER some numbskull higher up in the company decided now would be the perfect week to ship us all the 'summer reading' which means at least twice the normal ammount of boxes coming in each day. Agh! To top this off the trash compactor key is lost so now the back room has also become garbage storage. Egad!
Monday, May 01, 2006
The Best of Fabrics, The Worst of Fabrics
I love sheer flowy fabric, it is so much fun! -to wear that is. Sewing it is another story entirely - then I think it's straight from hell. It stretches in odd directions and will not lay evenly on the floor when cutting it. It slides off your lap or the table when you're trying to sew or pin it. It unravels faster than the road-runner (I was watching Wile E. Coyote cartoons while cutting it out). Individual strings get pulled and gather it all up where you don't want it too, and once that happens there's no smoothing it out again, it will always look puckered there. It pretty much does exactly the opposite of whatever it is you are trying to do to it. It's absolute madness trying to tackle it, but if you perservere you end up with something very lovely....well sometimes. Sometimes you just end up with a ravely snagged mass of mutilated fabric. I am happy to say that this time I did come out triumphant, for the most part anyway.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Remind me to write Shelob a note
Shelob sent us a snack today at work (or it could have been the Wraith*) - how thoughtfull.
Among the boxes there was one, about hobbit-coffin sized, all mummified in a thick case of grungy stringy seran-wrap that looked for all the world like a mass of spiderwebs. Kinda creepy.
* from Stargate Atlantis - the futuristic vampire race evolved from bugs
Among the boxes there was one, about hobbit-coffin sized, all mummified in a thick case of grungy stringy seran-wrap that looked for all the world like a mass of spiderwebs. Kinda creepy.
* from Stargate Atlantis - the futuristic vampire race evolved from bugs
blogging
I have another blog now at myspace.com (you can search display name: aelthwyn) where I am sort of doing a random question a day thing. So if you feel like reading/answering random questions go check it out.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Hey la, hey la, my Laptop's Back!
Elation! Jubilance! Delight!
It finally arrived! -Of course the first thing I did was hug the box =)
It feels like forever since I have been able to sit with it on my lap. It works! no more psychedelic lines! no more freezing up at the slightest bump!
I'm sooo glad they didn't erase any of my files so I don't have to mess with putting everything back on. It's just as if it was never gone - only better because now it works. They also seem to have replaced the track pad, which I'm glad about because it did sometimes have problems. yay! I am so happy!
It finally arrived! -Of course the first thing I did was hug the box =)
It feels like forever since I have been able to sit with it on my lap. It works! no more psychedelic lines! no more freezing up at the slightest bump!
I'm sooo glad they didn't erase any of my files so I don't have to mess with putting everything back on. It's just as if it was never gone - only better because now it works. They also seem to have replaced the track pad, which I'm glad about because it did sometimes have problems. yay! I am so happy!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
contemplations: time & existance
Well I'm not sure how much of this will make sense to someone else - that is I don't have great confidence in my ability to confer these thoughts through words, but I decided I'd just sort of throw them out there anyway.
Can you immagine nothing - really truely nothing? I can immagine empty space, but that is still something, it is space, it is some plain or realm of existance, even if it is not much. But can you immagine no existance? It defys comprehension. The concept of nothing is something. But actually nothing? No light. No dark. No substance of any kind. No thought. No time. How could there ever have been a time of nothingness? A ‘time’ before time began? It cannot even be called a time, if there was truely nothing. The best one can do is refer to a beginning. You can’t say ‘before’ the beginning, if there was no time.
If there was nothing, there must still be nothing. Nothing can never lead to something. It cannot be that there was nothing and then suddenly there was something. Nothing is nothing is nothing. Or else there is Something. We can perhaps immagine nothing in our realm of existance, but for there to be/have been no existance whatsoever not in any realm/plain/dimension/etc. -- impossible. Just try and wrap your mind around it. (at least it doesn't work for me).
If something exists now, there must always have been something. What was it? Is matter eternal? Is spirit? Something must be eternal, you cannot get around it.
You cannot even really say something began without a time when it wasn’t, which means that soemthing else - time- must at least be in existance for something to begin - therefore you cannot have something start out of nothingness. Truely nothingness is completely irrelevant and unconnected with somethingness. If there was something and there was no time before that something, then there could not have been a time when that something was not, and therefore that something must be eternal, it could not have begun.
We are so stuck in time it is very difficult, if not impossible, for us to comprehend anything outside that framework - that state of existance. But if you take away that attribute of progression, or of viewing a thing bit by bit in sequence, you have the whole thing, the real entire thing. You are your past present and future - that is the complete you. But you can only experience yourself bit by bit- moment by moment. You do not know all of yourself yet, because you have not yet seen and expeirenced your future. But if you could immagine taking time out of the equasion you would have just your whole self all at once in every seccond of your life - the full sum of you. Now immagine all of history without time. You have existance, the fullness of existance, with no beginning, with no end; just the whole full thing, complete. Without time something is something, and nothing is nothing. There is no switch between the two, no change from one to another - no beginning or end. Something either is, or isn’t.
Can you immagine nothing - really truely nothing? I can immagine empty space, but that is still something, it is space, it is some plain or realm of existance, even if it is not much. But can you immagine no existance? It defys comprehension. The concept of nothing is something. But actually nothing? No light. No dark. No substance of any kind. No thought. No time. How could there ever have been a time of nothingness? A ‘time’ before time began? It cannot even be called a time, if there was truely nothing. The best one can do is refer to a beginning. You can’t say ‘before’ the beginning, if there was no time.
If there was nothing, there must still be nothing. Nothing can never lead to something. It cannot be that there was nothing and then suddenly there was something. Nothing is nothing is nothing. Or else there is Something. We can perhaps immagine nothing in our realm of existance, but for there to be/have been no existance whatsoever not in any realm/plain/dimension/etc. -- impossible. Just try and wrap your mind around it. (at least it doesn't work for me).
If something exists now, there must always have been something. What was it? Is matter eternal? Is spirit? Something must be eternal, you cannot get around it.
You cannot even really say something began without a time when it wasn’t, which means that soemthing else - time- must at least be in existance for something to begin - therefore you cannot have something start out of nothingness. Truely nothingness is completely irrelevant and unconnected with somethingness. If there was something and there was no time before that something, then there could not have been a time when that something was not, and therefore that something must be eternal, it could not have begun.
We are so stuck in time it is very difficult, if not impossible, for us to comprehend anything outside that framework - that state of existance. But if you take away that attribute of progression, or of viewing a thing bit by bit in sequence, you have the whole thing, the real entire thing. You are your past present and future - that is the complete you. But you can only experience yourself bit by bit- moment by moment. You do not know all of yourself yet, because you have not yet seen and expeirenced your future. But if you could immagine taking time out of the equasion you would have just your whole self all at once in every seccond of your life - the full sum of you. Now immagine all of history without time. You have existance, the fullness of existance, with no beginning, with no end; just the whole full thing, complete. Without time something is something, and nothing is nothing. There is no switch between the two, no change from one to another - no beginning or end. Something either is, or isn’t.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
living on the edge?
So apparently wearing skirts is dangerous, or so I've been told. It has been firmly suggested to me that my skirts are a 'safety issue' and I ought to wear pants to work. At said job I open and close and lock and unlock the back door, carry boxes across a distance of about 8 feet, unpack boxes, scan books, and sort books onto various carts, and, oh yes, I take out the trash. I would like to take this moment to point out a bit of logic which seems to be frequently overlooked by so-called practically minded people: For thousands of years men and women worked - hunted, built, cooked, farmed, fought, rode, climbed, ran; lived in skirts before the invention of trousers. Therefore it is really quite silly for people to believe that it is so impossible and dangerous (or so very impractical) to perform such tasks in skirts nowadays. Being most adamently myself I have, of course, continued to wear my long skirts to work. Perhaps I am flirting with disaster...but I highly doubt it.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
lost & forlorne
My computer currently has two functions: writing surface and place-mat. It went psycho on me a few days ago - lots of random multi-colored psychedelic lines flashing across the screen and then completely non-responsive. Its a very odd sensation. Like having half one's brain gone. I wander aimlessly, unable to think what to do. I sit and stare at it and try to hold back the tears. Somehow, just having it there, even if I'm not doing something with it, makes things feel more complete, more together. I think the thing I miss most though is iTunes. I really don't know how to cope without my music. It is a refuge, a reminder of bright and beautifull things. It helps me relax, or gives me energy. I turn it on in the morning so I don't just fall back to sleep as soon as the alarm goes off. I tend to measure time in song-tracks. Having no sense of time myself, I can remember how long different songs are and thereby measure how much time I've spent, like in the shower; and I know which song on my 'morning music' playlist is the signal that I need to be getting out of here. I don't really have any other thing to play my music on right now, since my speakers are broken so I can't just plug my iPod in (and earphones often bugg me, and aren't practical for doing things like getting dressed with), and I have gotten so addicted to playlists it's hard for me to just listen to one CD all the way through. sigh.... I am also forced now to handwrite my thoughts and ideas and lists etc. but somehow I find it hard to think with a pen in hand anymore. In front of the screen my thoughts just flow right into the keys, but with a pen and my terrible handwriting (and these damned pens that don't work- I seem to have gotten a whole boxfull of duds, they look like they have ink, but it doesn't come out) my thoughs just sort of stop, and feel all choppy.
At least I can use Tracy's old computer, though it makes this annoying buzzing noise when it's on so I can't stand it for very long, and it doesn't have any of my stuff on it. Luckilly though, my computer's problem is supposed to be a defect covered by Apple, so I can send it in for free to have that fixed - that is a definate plus - but in the meantime I hope I can manage to pull myself together enough. Yes I suppose it is pretty pathetic that I feel this pathetic without it. sigh....
At least I can use Tracy's old computer, though it makes this annoying buzzing noise when it's on so I can't stand it for very long, and it doesn't have any of my stuff on it. Luckilly though, my computer's problem is supposed to be a defect covered by Apple, so I can send it in for free to have that fixed - that is a definate plus - but in the meantime I hope I can manage to pull myself together enough. Yes I suppose it is pretty pathetic that I feel this pathetic without it. sigh....
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