Abundance

I am so blessed, so rich, so full, so surrounded by abundance. Even though all my ife I have lived under the shaddow of 'financial problems' I have always been amply provided for, even my wants have been greatly satisfied. Truely 'my cup runneth over'. Thus for God's provision and lavish generosity I give Him thanks!

a beautifull day in the neighborhood

It is such a lovely day out! ...all cool and cloudy and there's the scent of rain in the air! :D

feeling beautifull

isn't it nice, those moments when you just feel lovely....not necessarily when you feel like others think you are, but when you in your own experience of yourself just feel lovely ^.^ .....this evening laying here on my stomach on the floor with my hair falling all around me and draping across my back, with my computer and the music playing, I just feeeel beautifull. If I had a mirror right now it is quite likely I wouldn't think I looked especially lovely, but I don't have one, and I am savoring the sensation.

hmmmm....you know I think there is a great deal of attractiveness that comes from how we feel about ourselves.....are we able to really feel beautifull? Just as some people seem to be able to really 'make' an outfit which someone else would just look silly in because they have the poise and confidence and a kind of personality mesh with the outfit, so i think we can make whatever features we have glow at times when we're feeling particularly comfortable and happy within ourselves.

I Love Lewis!

While reading merely the first two pages of An Experiment in Criticism I have already felt my heart swell, squealed with delight, and clapped my hands in enthusiastic agreement with this kindred spirit. It's lovely to be struck once again with the reasons he is my favorite author =D

Divine Fashion Advice

Don't wear the pink butterfly jacket with that red shirt

This morning when I was about to leave I went to grab the sweatshirt I normally wear on my morning walk which has a sort of pinkish lacy butterfly appliqued to the front btu I couldn't find it anywheres. It's my favorite sweatshirt so I was a bit worried that it's lost, but I didn't have time to fuss and just grabbed a plain velour black one with a starshaped zipperpull. Once I got to work and actually looked at myself in the mirror in the bathroom I realised that I looked so cute in the black with the bit of red showing around the waist and where the zipper wasn't closed up all the way - it looked like a perfectly designed outfit and I had jsut been grabbing whatever I could find off the top of the pile, heh. I'm not glad about the sweatshirt missing, but hey thanks God for the great fashion direction, teehee ;)

wait what?!

how did I end up with a full screen version of AOTC?!? I mean, sure I hated that movie, but how can my set be complete when one of the members is a full screen version?! what little is worthwhile in this thing requires the widescreen view! The fact that I probably spent money on the full screen is what kills me =( heh

cullinary brilliancey =D

*crazed ice-cream rimmed smile*

Spiced Ice-cream
it should be a regular flavor
yes yes indeed it should!
as should creamed honey be a regular topping
aye, some of the tastiest stuff I've ever put together that!

A few days ago I came upon this brilliant idea while on vacation, visiting Marcusstratus from deviantart and his mum in the fair town of Huntsville, Utah. We had Breyer's all natural vanilla (the only vanilla ice-cream worth having, unless of course it's home-made) and as we sat around the table preparing our dessert it struck me that this stuff would taste simply fantastic with cinnamon, nutmeg (which they had freshly ground!), and cloves -- rather like eggnog actually with those flavors.

And then! it came to me that the cinamon-creamed-honey we had there would be quite nice drizzled on top - which, indeed, it proved to be. And when I later tried this recipe again I added pieces of walnuts which were delish with it as well.....and I suppose that pecans would also be as tastey.

mmmm.......... so yes! as I am enjoying once again this marvelous concoction I would love to share it with you all =D

Sunlight Mainfested as Wings

There have been a lot of moths in the park of late and one afternoon they were al glimmering in the light slanting through the trees and it was so beautiful; one of those magical moments when it seems like the earth is singing! =)

Summer Snowflakes

well the fire season is in full swing so as I braved the heat today to take pictures in the late afternoon light which was more orange than usual and was met by a flurry of white flakes, which however were accompanied by the smell of woodsmoke rather than a crisp breeze, ah well.

Happy 4th of July!

sleepdrugged

mmm....what were those thoughts? I know I had some.......

Conspicuosity

Ever want to carry something on your head, or spontaneously leap with a surge of energy? Ever want to dance or sing? Ever realise you’re going the wrong way and keep going or take the long way ‘round ‘cause you’d look silly stopping in your tracks and doing an about face? Ever want to wear some hat, or something unusual just ‘cause you like it, but feel like it’d be too odd or ‘innapropriate’?
And do you ever wonder if perhaps the eyes you feel watching you are only your own?

It seems as though so many of our urges and quirks are reigned in and kept hidden by this pervasive social fear that one might draw negative or unwanted attention. But really, does it matter at all what people you will never see again think of you? Or even, that those you regularly encounter should know what you’re really like? I wonder how much of the pressure we feel to conform is really something we place on ourselves individually out of fear of rejection...or of simply standing out and drawing the eyes of others.

I’ve never been one to take much note of the people around me, and yet I too am subject to these, perhaps immagined, social fetters. Sometimes they win, and I always feel ashamed for it, but most of the time I break free. I’m not saying that we should be inappropriate, tactless, insensitive, and solely lead by our fleeting desires, but we’e put muzzles on dogs that don’t bite and taken the wheels off our wagons lest we should happen to steer them the wrong way. Of course one should be mindfull of others, and yet, not mindfull in that debilitating way of fearing what they may or may not think, which is completely unrelated to caring about causing them trouble. So I say, do not clip your own wings! Let thyself fly! Release the joy, the energy, the individuality you have! That’s one of the great things about kids, the don’t worry themselves overmuch abotu stuff like that, they feel free to have fun. I can’t immagine why we think it’s more mature to prevent oneself from enjoying life. And you know....I bet people would be a bit more fit too if they wouldn’t keep themselves always in ‘dignified,’ stiff, unexciting poses and actions.

As I go through the day I find that I naturally stand in ‘odd’ positions which may look rather like I’m trying to pose, but really it just feels comfortable or fits what I’m thinking/feeling. Especially when I visit museums....or when I’m browsing grocery store isles, lol.....I tend to move differently than ‘normal’ people. Hmm....a bit more dancelike I guess...in slow-mo. I seem to naturally move my feet through ballet positions....yeah, it’s not like I was really in dance much, and I did that before I took classes, interesting..... I also tend to lean back and forth or to the side wierd, and rest my arms strangely, hehe. *shrug* ...hard to explain I guess, but I don’t like to just stand there normal like most people. I guess I never really understood why standing out is such a horrible thing to some people. It’s not that I’m wanting to attract attention by what I do or wear, I just don’t care if people happen to notice. I usually just ignore whatever attention I’m getting, I figure if they feel like gawking that’s their business. And besides, I rather hope I can show other’s it’s ok to be ‘wierd’ and inspire them to feel free to do the same =)

so yes! go and feel free to be conspicuous!

Touching Other Worlds

I love these moments when listening to music it seems as though your soul bursts from this skin that houses it and touches something beyond, something more than the sounds, when it seems everyting else around you has disappeared...it’s like suddenly soaring through another world! As though your soul travles through the music and knits itself with that intangible, mysterious soul of the music, that which makes it more than vibrations and noise.

Wind is like that too sometimes.....it feels like it whisks by and snatches your soul away upon it, and you stand there in a continous moment of being swept away, feeling as though your very self has become a portal through which the wind rushes to another world into which you stare not with eyes but heart, and what there is of you standing in this earth seems a distant memory.

stroke of genius

As I was sitting in the bath last night I was hit by an idea...something which must have been rattling around and forming in there for quite a long time I suppose. Or perhaps I thought of it before and forgot. You see, back in my first year of college I had a roomate who always put on this apple scent in the morning when she got ready to go, which was qutie a while before I had to get up, and every morning I would wake up as soon as she sprayed that smell. SO! It struck me last night that if one could be trained to wake up to a smell rather than a sound, why couldn't there be alarm clocks that were set to spray some scent - I suppose whatever a person chose to fill it with - at a certain time rather than playing music. And then I realised that that would be a great alternative for the hearing imparied. I did a quick search for hearing impared alarm clocks and it seems that they have ones with flashing lights and bed shakers.
Being the loather of mornings that I am I should definately hate having to be woken in that fashion, hearing impared or not. In fact the liklihood of my actually getting up is related to how gently I am dragged from the mire, if wrenched from it I become doubly determined to return, and of course it puts me very out of sorts should I loose.
However, it seems like a scent sparyer couldn't be more difficult to make than bed shakers, and if one could choose a pleasant smell as a gentle signal that it's time to get up, I should think it would be a much easier way to wake up someone who couldn't hear, and certainly less of a harrasment for anyone sharing a bed or room with someone hard of hearing. Hmm.....I could make millions ;p

"A man drowned in his bed?! Impossible!"

I have no idea how much water I have consumed in the last 48 hours, but it is considerably more than the reccommended 8 cups a day. This past week or two I've been pleagued by some of the worst allergies I've ever experienced, aside from cats, and in fact woke up a couple nights ago thinking I was about to die being unable to breath, as though a hand were clenched round my lungs, and of course the glue-like masses clogging my throat and sinuses.

Then it struck me that perhaps what with all the dripping and blowing and sneezing I might be needing more water than normal, which might explain the putty like consistancy of all that gunk, so I made sure to drink whenever I felt dry...which was constantly. It seems to have made some difference! Perhaps it is actually washing away whatever allergines have been accumulating - if they do that, I don't know. But as I lay me down to sleep tonight I can't help thinking about that classic scene in Charade and wondering if I should die before I wake if they should rather say she hath imbibed too much, than it was the flowers that killed her.

so, um...what about mental health benefits?

gah! I'm seriously starting to go mad! And I hold Barnes and Noble completely responsible. It all started when our store, which doesn't have a music department I'd like to note, decided to play only CDs we carry all the time. Because we don't have a music section, that makes the selection extreemly limited. Unfortuneatly this new music regime conveniently coincided with the dismisal of our regular shelving crew and the decree that the recieving team (all 2 of us) will now spend half our day out shelving. Which Means! that I have to spend a good portion of the day being subjected to a broken reccord. Honnestly it feels like they've created my very own torture chamber, just for me, yes. As you already know, I hate pretty much all modern/rock music. And of course, that's what all this stuff is. The worst thing about it is that my mind has a way of getting songs, especially ones I don't like, stuck in my head. So not only do I have to deal with this while I'm at work, I get to take home my portable torture chamber and listen to these songs on repeat on my way home, and while I'm eating diner, and all night in my dreams, and when I wake up in the morning, what do you know! they're still there haunting me. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

gah!

I'm sick of wheezing! Do you know how irritating that is to be constantly thinking about trying to get enough air? Thank God that's normally a subconcious/involuntary function, or we'd never get anything else done. I haven't had much asthma trouble in the last several years, but there's something out there this spring that seems to be made especially to torment me. I don't know what's blooming that's causing this, but it really needs to die!

wierd dog

I saw the strangest 'mutt' the other day. It had the body and face etc. of an English Bull Terrier, but the coloring of a greyhound. Very odd combination if you ask me.

temporary

I just realised I didn't actually post something I thought I had earlier, so I clikced 'post' now, but I didn't change when it was written, so there is a 'new' post, but it's not here at the top --see Jan 25th.

True Love

The mark of a true friend, it seems to me, is that you don't have to do anything special to have a good time, you don't have to say everything clearly to be understood, it doesn't have to be important to be worth listening to or caring about. A true friend is someone who holds that smallest part of you in their hands gently, who understands and cares about the little things in your life, not just the things worth 'writing home' about, not just the things that affect them. When they can listen to your deepest ponderings and your pointless prattlings, you know they must truely love you.

God loves each of us so much, but do we remember that in the mundane moments? Do we have a good time with Him in those every day moments, when nothing special's happening. Do we chat with Him anyway, when there's no important requests, when we're not overwhelmed with joy? And when we get frustrated by little things, or bogged down with boring details, do we remember that He cares about all those little things too, that He understands our wierd moods, and doesn't mind our sillly ramblings. He thinks we're cute, and precious, and holds that little heart of ours in His hands so lovingly. He won't stay mad at us long when we mess up, and though He's as powerfull as the crashing waves, He also whispers softly in our ears. He whisperes it all the time, 'I love you.' Do we remember to keep whispering back 'I love you too.' I think just remembering He's always there and giving Him all our little thoughts and cares makes Him happy, happy to keep holding our hands, and keep listening, and keep reminding us that He doesn't ever tune us out to take care of more important matters.

I've found that when I remember to stop and pray about all the little things, the things that don't really matter in the long run, He always blesses me with little reminders that He really is there, listening, that my life really matters to Him. And when I remember to just stop and smile up at Him when I'm happy, to say 'thanks' and 'You're so wonderfull' whenever I see something beautifull, or have a really good thought, or things are going well, or something small but nice happens, then I am filled with the sensation of His smile on me. When I remember that all these little blessings are His gifts, then I know He loves me.

further ruminations on morningness and nightness

I have observed that most morning people seem to be 'practical' types, and also somewhat conformists in the sense that they value established ways of doing things (or established uses for things. -An example of what I mean here is someone never dreaming of using a scarf for anything but a scarf simply because it was called a scarf at the store and therefore has been categorized in their mind as 'something to go around the neck for warmth' as opposed to simply 'a long piece of cloth'). What I wonder is whether there is something deeper within which links waking up with the sun (or feeling particularly energetic directly after waking up) and liking to follow instructions on the 'proper' way of doing things rather than making things up as you go along, or if this preference of morning is simply a product of the preference for established ways in light of the long accepted saying 'The early bird get's the worm' or the generally respected (even if resented) idea that getting up early in the morning means that you are not lazy (and conversely that sleeping later in the day implies laziness or some kind of lack of worth and tendancy toward wonton behaviour).

What I also find perplexing is how easily these practical people miss their own inconsistancy when refusing to cooperate with 'night people.' (Perhaps a penchant for believing oneself to (almost) always be in posession of absolute truth on matters is also somehow linked with the morning and conforming traits?) A morning person, when they have reached their limit energy-wise, will simply tell you they are going to stop whatever it is you may be doing together and go to bed - in fact they will usually say they 'have' to go to bed. And they would think it ludicrous and insensitive of someone to insist that they stay up a moment longer, and feel just in refusing to do so. Yet, when a night person tells them that they simply cannot get up at this time, that they have to sleep a little longer, they won't stand for it, and frequently launch into disparaging their character and habits, and continue to pester or even assualt them untill they are forced to get up in spite of their disinclination, or lack of the required abilities, to do so. (It would seem morning people have no qualms about dragging dead weights along with them, even though they will complain about it, blaming, of course, the dead weight and not their choice to bring it. It should be noted here that in contrast, while a night person may greately desire to keep a morning person up, and may plead, or devise ways of keeping them awake, once the statment of 'bed, now' has been made it seems they are usually willing to dismiss their 'party-pooping' presence - rather than dragging along a limp body).

On the other hand it is common for 'creative' types to be night people. I suppose perhaps that creativity is neccessarily more open ended, as it requires searching for the end of something (whether it be a piece of art, or the conclusion of a theory/experiment), seeing possibilities, and turning one thing into something else, as opposed to working methodically toward and already established ending point with already establlished tools or methods. And perhaps it is this open-ended nature that allows them to continue on indefinately in either one state or another (whether action or sleep) - thus they keep late hours (caught up in the exhilaration of inspiration) and then sleep long the next day after the work of the night before is done, or they drop with exhaustion. Morning people, then, in contrast, work all day toward the ending point of 'bed time' which is already relatively established in their minds, and then also, in a sense, sleep toward the goal of waking up, also at a relatively pre-established time in their mind. This also may tie in with 'time-oriented-ness' to some degree in respect to liking measured, established, scheduals, and predictable limits.

What I wonder, then, is whether the trend to be accepting of the fact that some people simply are lively in the morning (however incomprehensible and vexing it may be to them), which I have frequently observed in night people, is due to a general openness of mind and the understanding that something can be used as something else (in this case that the day can certainly be used for sleep and the night can certainly be used for action), both uses being perfectly acceptible because in their minds things are categorized by nature and not function (My thought here being, if you think of something fundementally as 'something that does this' you won't think of it as also being able to do something else -it goes against itself, but if you think of something as 'something with these qualities' then it could be used for anything that requires those qualities. ex: a sheet is something you cover your matress with; a large piece of cloth could be used as a sheet, or a tarp, or a cloak, or a curtain, or a knapsack, or a sail, or, or, or.......); Or if it is simply because 'liking morning's is right' has been so hammered into them by parents and teachers and culture that they can only add 'but nights are good too,' unable to escape the reality that, whether or not one way is or is not right, both types of people do exist.

Of course not everyone fits nicely onto two groups, these are just general trends I have noticed.