'Egad!'

that's all I have to say

Jurassic Store

My hands currently look as though some small rodent has been gnawing on them in the night while my conciousness wanders other worlds. I counted fifteen small gashes on my right forefinger and thumb today at diner. The culprit, however, is in fact the biting shelves at work. Not only did the batting mutate into a giant amoeba, but the fixtures have grown fangs and developed some kind of primitive conciousness evidenced by their agressive behaviour toward those who invade their personal space as well as a rapidly growing appitite for meat - or maybe it’s just the blood they like.
Perhaps this is part of why they want to move the store. If we stayed much longer we might find ourselves featured in some made-for-TV horror flim in which customers start disappearing while bloodcurdling screams echo down the isles, and employees fall victim to the vampire shelves.

Attack of the Giant Mutant Batting

There is a huge roll of batting in the back corner of Jo-Annes. Over the past few weeks it has developed into a gigantic amoeba shape and threatens to take over the entire batting corner. Customers have actually requested to take home portions of this strange new entity - a desire I cannot fathom. Do you want a white fluffly amoeba to take over your living room? Luckilly it has not yet been successfull at surrounding and absorbing anyone (that we know of), nor has it been capable of mitosis - heaven help us if it ever should! When attempting to carry it to the cutting table my head usually disappears within it’s folds and I always have to wonder if I will ever emerge again. I fear if some customer does not rid us of it soon it will suceed in absorbing all other batting material, eventually overflowing into the rest of the store.