Monday, September 27, 2010

Wonder-full Music

This evening I started reading An Experiment in Criticism again, and I noted Lewis' mention of the other arts as well as literature, and his suggestion that we could evaluate them with the same method as he was suggesting for books. This got me thinking about music in particular.

"Many people enjoy popular music in a way which is compatible with humming the tune, stamping in time, talking, and eating. And when the popular tune hasonce gone out of fashion they enjoy it no more. Those who like Bach react quite differently." (Lewis)

I had also watched a movie about Beethoven earlier this evening and the one line that stood out to me went something like: 'What is music? What does it do? It has the power to carry one directly into the mental state of the composer.'

So tonight as I listened to some of my favorite music, I thought I'd write a little concerning a brief observation I'd made to myself a few days ago: That I like music that sounds Grand. I am not really sure if there is any better word for it.

I was thinking to myself the other day, 'what is it that I like about the music that I like?' and the answer that first came to me was the sense of Grandure. I don't like only Grand sounding music, to be sure, but it struck me that my favorite music, the music that stirrs me most, that I most would not want to live without is the symphonic music that has a kind of swelling to it, usually with an optimistic flavor, though not always, which brings to mind a sense of something immense, soemthing great, something that evokes a sense of Wonder. This sense of wonder can also be found in the 'magical' sounding music that I enjoy. It is not large scale wonder, but wonder at a mysterious beauty.

What exactly do I mean by wonder? I think that wonder is.....delight in something that is beyond one's grasp or understanding. It does not usually have a negative connotation, though it often includes the sense of being very small or insignificant in comparrison to something else. But wonder does not focus on one's smallness, nor cause one to be fearfull because of it. The state of Wonder is focused on the apprciation of something amazing, and in this appreciation one's small self is draw out and uplifted so that it too, for a moment, feels so much larger, so much greater than one normally feels.

I love music that gives me a sense of grandure, wonder, enchantment, and beauty. I also enjoy music that sounds urgent and exciting, or triumphant. On the quieter side, I like music that has a feeling of tenderness, of sweet emotions, of being quietly reflective, as well as magical and having a sense of quiet awe.

I think much of the sense of gandure in the music I like is communicated through the quality of the sounds of the instruments - the aural texture. My favorite component is always the entire string section of an orchestra playing together their individual parts - they seem to add so much space and depth. I also really enjoy the deep round sounds of some kind of horn (not sure which of the brass instruments is my favorite) - not so much when they are played high and brassy. I also very much like the shimmering sound of small chimes.

The sense of grandure is also contributed to by the apparent layers to the music, the number of instruments playing and the number of varying parts they play which make up the whole. I am never very gripped by small scale music, such as quartets or solos. A solo embedded into a piece in which many more instruments join it can be nice, but I generally find that I enjoy the moment that everyone else joins in and we at last have the fullness of the music much more than a solo part, however lovely it may be. A good analogy, perhaps, would be the kind of illustrations I like. I love pictures that are so full of details that it seems like I could find something new every time I look at them. So too, do I like a lot of details in music. I like to be able to listen to a song many different times and each time tune into a different layer, notice different details. It must be full enough, detailed enough, deep enough so as to always inspire wonder, never coming to the point that I feel completely familiar with every bit of it. I like the mystery of a myriad of sounds blending together, so that I cannot know exactly what is going on.

I tend to like music that seems to be building up to something, which has a grand finnish, or a climactic moment before dwindling back down to restate a calmer earlier theme. As suggested by this, I like a song to have a kind of landscape or plot. I like music that isn't the same volume texture or mood from start to finnish. Along with liking progression and variation in a piece, I dislike too much repetition. I enjoy restatements that have some kind of variation to them, but music that repeats itself too closely, or repeats even with variations too many times just about drives me mad.

I seem to really like when the rhythm is communicated through instruments other than just drums, or when the underlying rhythm isn't blatently stated. I'm not sure if this ties into the Grand feeling at all, but it is my feeling that a constantly rapped out beat somehow makes the music feel flatter to me, and I tend to find it distracting from the other sounds. Since it is the textures of the instruments which I beleive most captivates me, I suppose it is no surprise that I should dislike having my attention drawn away from that. Why exactly it does so isn't clear to me though. One thing that I think is fairly true, however, is that music that has drums prominently keeping the time tends to be less likely to have a varied landscape, as I mentioned above, and is more likely to maintain a constant volume texture and mood.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Struggling to Identify with the Profile Description

I am quite curious to know what some other INFPs are like.

There is a lot in the type description that completely fits me, but there are a few things which I feel a strong reaction of not identifying with (which I'm not going to adress here). I also find myself annoyed every time I read those descriptions by the over-emphasis on focusing on people. Maybe I'm not the only one who feels the analysis is unballanced? Maybe I'm extreemly introverted?

It feels to me like in the case of IFs they totally throw out the Introverted traits and focus only on their natrual empathy and care for others, blowing out of proportion their desire to make a difference in people's lives. In my experience Introversion wars with Empathy, it doesn't just sumbit to it.

For myself, while I care deeply about my friends and family and have great empathy with people around me, I find that rather than feeling a drive to focus my life on interacting with people and doing everything I can to better them, it feels as though this is an urge which I do daily battle with. I seem to have at least a slightly greater drive to not pay attention to people or put off interacting with them than my drive to show my care. I feel like this care for other's well being is a secondary thing which is persued instinctively in a periferal setting. I feel the bulk of my attention is directed toward my personal creativity - reading books, immagining, writing stories, creating/enjoying beautifull surroundings, and my persuite of understanding - theorizing and philosophizing about the nature of the world and why things are the way they are. Granted, much of my thought does involve people-related theories, like understanding personalities, as well as understanding society. And I do feel I have an intuitive understanding of how people work both on an individual and group level, and I long for the ability to run tests and surveys to prove or disprove my theories. But my intellectual interest is not limited to analysing people, and is not over-ridden by a desire to connect with them. I connect warmly with those close to me, but I tend to approach people at large as alien beings to be avoided or analysed.

I feel general good will toward people, and if my writings about the things I contemplate can be of use to others, all the better. But I don't have a sense of specifically setting out on any of my endeavors for the purpose of helping others. That is where my issue mainly lies. I'm not obsessed with serving the common good as the profiles seem to imply. My interests are mainly wrapped up in things other than people. Or at least, I have little interest in connecting with people in general beyond an abstract theoretical level - they are out there, and they are interesting specimens to study and try to understand.

When I encounter people I am generally only drawn out to connect with them for two reasons - 1) they are in need of comfort, 2) they are interested in the same topics I am, such as fantasy and fairy tales, the value of forrests, symphonic music, historic culture and art, tea, analysing all those other alien people out there, etc. When face to face with human-kind at large I tend to retreat and prefer to love them, in theory, and from afar. I would much rather devote my thoughts to writing fairy tales, than taking care of people in general, and have almost no interest whatsoever in persuing a career that brings me into contact with lots of other people - particularly needy ones. I care about them and have a hard time resisting, but I do feel an inner resistance because they can be very draining, and most of them are very uninteresting to me.

Just listening to myself talk here doesn't sound like the people-oriented gushing-with-care-for-humanity and ploting-the-salvation-of-the-world-at-large person that I feel is portrayed in most INFP profiles. I am naturally empathetic, yes, but I do not actively persue connecting with others and influencing their lives. If the opportunity happens upon me, I am more than happy to encourage and comfort others, but I'm not out there looking for people who need me or trying to refine my ability to help people and put it to constant use.

I do have strong impluses to help the emotionally distressed, which I do act upon if I can do so within the realm of social tact - I'm not going to butt in where I don't know I'm wanted. But I also try to stay out of the way of potentially needy people because I know I am likely to feel leeched if I allow my empathy to involve me. I'm afraid this all sounds a bit harsh - which I certainly am not in person. I am very kind hearted, and find pleas for help nearly irresistable, but it is never-the-less true that I haven't chosen to make my life a quest to help others. I hope I do positively affect the people I do have contact with, and heaven forbid I should ever turn away friends in need! But I have no great humanitarian cause driving me in everything I do as the profiles seem to always suggest. My interests in immagination and theory will never be forgotten on the back-burner for the sake of persuing a people-helping crusade. The very thought of such a thing is tantamount to loosing my very self. Though I also cannot immagine myself ever being uncaring toward my family and friends, I can easily immagine myself living with very limited contact with people other than one or two very close friends, and would feel no disappointment if I didn't manage to make a difference in the world beyond the very small and immediate circle around me.

So my question is, am I unusual among INFPs? Have I continually minunderstood the profiles? What are other INFPs like out there? Are they all obsessed with helping people? Or do many of them, like me, find helping people to be a sidenote to their most intense personal persuits?

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Impossible Hair

I love animated hair! You can give ridiculous ammounts of it to people with small heads, and it somehow never weighs them down or gets in the way. It never catches on the cuff buttons of passersby nor collects twigs and leaves when it's longer than the person is tall. When sat upon it just magically grows an inch or two to accomodate neck movement. sigh....and it Flows! It's almost weightless so it ripples and tosses as you move your head and billows behind you when the wind blows. It it silky and flows around itself without tangling and matting up. Sometimes it even defys gravity completely and swirls dramtically around you, or stays up in impossible styles with just one tie. Oh! to have hair like that! I love my long hair, but all those amazing hairdos in animes and cartoons are pretty much impossible. You'd have to have WAY too thick of hair to accomplish a lot of those things, it would just weigh your whole head down! alas alas.....

Two Animated Characters whose hair I've always adored are Thumbelina and Megara (from Hercules).

I really like their huge thick pony-tails and the way they stick up behind them. I think I like hairdoes that extend the back of the head *shrug*. I realised today that the impossible huge thick mass of hair sticking way out behind one hair tie is totally possible! Only it's not also possible to have soft swirling waves falling from it. Dreads actually do that same big-animated-pony-tale thing where they stick out behind the head when tied back.....but then they are dreads afterall so they don't exactly flow and swirl in smooth waves. alas!

Needless to say I'm excited to see all that animated hair in the upcoming Tangled (Rapunzel) :D