Thursday, September 16, 2010

Struggling to Identify with the Profile Description

I am quite curious to know what some other INFPs are like.

There is a lot in the type description that completely fits me, but there are a few things which I feel a strong reaction of not identifying with (which I'm not going to adress here). I also find myself annoyed every time I read those descriptions by the over-emphasis on focusing on people. Maybe I'm not the only one who feels the analysis is unballanced? Maybe I'm extreemly introverted?

It feels to me like in the case of IFs they totally throw out the Introverted traits and focus only on their natrual empathy and care for others, blowing out of proportion their desire to make a difference in people's lives. In my experience Introversion wars with Empathy, it doesn't just sumbit to it.

For myself, while I care deeply about my friends and family and have great empathy with people around me, I find that rather than feeling a drive to focus my life on interacting with people and doing everything I can to better them, it feels as though this is an urge which I do daily battle with. I seem to have at least a slightly greater drive to not pay attention to people or put off interacting with them than my drive to show my care. I feel like this care for other's well being is a secondary thing which is persued instinctively in a periferal setting. I feel the bulk of my attention is directed toward my personal creativity - reading books, immagining, writing stories, creating/enjoying beautifull surroundings, and my persuite of understanding - theorizing and philosophizing about the nature of the world and why things are the way they are. Granted, much of my thought does involve people-related theories, like understanding personalities, as well as understanding society. And I do feel I have an intuitive understanding of how people work both on an individual and group level, and I long for the ability to run tests and surveys to prove or disprove my theories. But my intellectual interest is not limited to analysing people, and is not over-ridden by a desire to connect with them. I connect warmly with those close to me, but I tend to approach people at large as alien beings to be avoided or analysed.

I feel general good will toward people, and if my writings about the things I contemplate can be of use to others, all the better. But I don't have a sense of specifically setting out on any of my endeavors for the purpose of helping others. That is where my issue mainly lies. I'm not obsessed with serving the common good as the profiles seem to imply. My interests are mainly wrapped up in things other than people. Or at least, I have little interest in connecting with people in general beyond an abstract theoretical level - they are out there, and they are interesting specimens to study and try to understand.

When I encounter people I am generally only drawn out to connect with them for two reasons - 1) they are in need of comfort, 2) they are interested in the same topics I am, such as fantasy and fairy tales, the value of forrests, symphonic music, historic culture and art, tea, analysing all those other alien people out there, etc. When face to face with human-kind at large I tend to retreat and prefer to love them, in theory, and from afar. I would much rather devote my thoughts to writing fairy tales, than taking care of people in general, and have almost no interest whatsoever in persuing a career that brings me into contact with lots of other people - particularly needy ones. I care about them and have a hard time resisting, but I do feel an inner resistance because they can be very draining, and most of them are very uninteresting to me.

Just listening to myself talk here doesn't sound like the people-oriented gushing-with-care-for-humanity and ploting-the-salvation-of-the-world-at-large person that I feel is portrayed in most INFP profiles. I am naturally empathetic, yes, but I do not actively persue connecting with others and influencing their lives. If the opportunity happens upon me, I am more than happy to encourage and comfort others, but I'm not out there looking for people who need me or trying to refine my ability to help people and put it to constant use.

I do have strong impluses to help the emotionally distressed, which I do act upon if I can do so within the realm of social tact - I'm not going to butt in where I don't know I'm wanted. But I also try to stay out of the way of potentially needy people because I know I am likely to feel leeched if I allow my empathy to involve me. I'm afraid this all sounds a bit harsh - which I certainly am not in person. I am very kind hearted, and find pleas for help nearly irresistable, but it is never-the-less true that I haven't chosen to make my life a quest to help others. I hope I do positively affect the people I do have contact with, and heaven forbid I should ever turn away friends in need! But I have no great humanitarian cause driving me in everything I do as the profiles seem to always suggest. My interests in immagination and theory will never be forgotten on the back-burner for the sake of persuing a people-helping crusade. The very thought of such a thing is tantamount to loosing my very self. Though I also cannot immagine myself ever being uncaring toward my family and friends, I can easily immagine myself living with very limited contact with people other than one or two very close friends, and would feel no disappointment if I didn't manage to make a difference in the world beyond the very small and immediate circle around me.

So my question is, am I unusual among INFPs? Have I continually minunderstood the profiles? What are other INFPs like out there? Are they all obsessed with helping people? Or do many of them, like me, find helping people to be a sidenote to their most intense personal persuits?

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