Lament!

why does good tea have to be so rare and so expensive in america?
I don't remember it being so outrageous in england.....maybe they have the outrageous stuff too, but it seemed even their cheap tea wasn't nasty like ours is. And it was available in large quantities, not just the little mini boxes (which still manage to cost a lot).

I've just been looking at teaforte's website, they have some of the best tea I've ever had, but still....$2.50 for one teabag? I don't want to just get nice tea for special occasions once in a while. I mean....if good tea exists, then why would you ever drink the nasty stuff?? why can't they just make all tea good and not make it if it's gonna be bad. yes I know, because people want to try and cut every corner possible and squeaze every penny out of you. yeah, I know. and I know why it has to be that way, yeah yeah.....enough with the jaded view of life retorts. It's no less stupid or aggrivating just because that's the way it is...what kind of an excuse is that? It is that way? well it shouldn't be. And if more people didn't buy into that, then, well, maybe it would be better, no?

Anyway....It's really sad that good tea is so scarce and so exhorbitantly priced. *sob*

oh! and have you seen? Lipton is now trying to copy all these fancy teamakers and is coming out with cloth teabags. ha! ................ ha! It's not the packaging, it's what's inside......we'll see if they've actualy improved on their cardboard shavings or not.

Nothing could be finer....

than moments like these. With that old-time Christmas feeling in the air, sitting at home with a hot cup of tea, the scent of the Christmas tree filling the house, and beautifull music washing over you. sigh....

=)

As if you're doing it for the Lord

I think this has got to be one of the most frequently misused ideas in modern Christianity. So often I've heard this phrase used to try to turn people into paranoid perfectionists, afraid that somehow if they don't do something really well they're failing as Christians. The irony, I think, is that the center of Christian beliefe is that God has loved us in spite of our shortcomings, in spite of our sin and rebellion, so if we are doing things for Him, wouldn't it be with the knowledge that He knows we are but dust? And yet people scare others away from bringing their honnest, if feeble, offerings by implying that one has to strive to be excellent in everything or else they must not really be doing things as if for God. That is an absolutely ludicrous idea. It takes us out of God's grace and back into the trap that all other religions end up boiling down to - you must save yourself: By doing this, by saying that, by striving to become perfect, by dedication and effort you must gain your salvation. NO! God has provided attonement, He has granted forgiveness, and He has given us His spirit to live inside us and help guide us out of the destructive ways we are mired in in this life. His hand upholds us, not our own two legs. I think that 'doing things as if for God' means with a spirit of communion with and service toward Him. It means looking for His hand in every day life, looking for what he is doing and choosing your actions to follow along with His, it means letting Him work through you and acting with a heart that is in sync. with His. It's not how well you are able to do things or how hard you try to be perfect in everything, it's listening for His guidance, and dedicating all the sucess to Him. We are very limited beings, we simply cannot do everything to our utmost - overdrive is called overdrive for a reason. We have to choose what to focus more effort on and what we have to resign to the 'backburner'. But even the things we can't spend all our efforts on we can do with a heart that is in step with the Spirit of God, with love, with mercy and justice, with the desire to give Him glory and thanks. That is doing things as if for the Lord.

Life....

....is good
things may be tough
and exhausting
and even depressing
but somehow....
....life is always good.
because there are always moments like these,
small moments
when something is just perfect.
when a warm finger of sunlight touches your cheek
when your tummy is full and satisfied with the cheap soup you got for dinner
when the wind ripples through the leaves and the green fills your spirit
when your head sinks perfectly into your pillow far too late in the night, but somehow it feels better than ever.
life is good.
yes.
Praise be to God!

Quizes =)

What People Think of Your Mouth

People see you both as reserved and sweet. You tend to be very sensitive and detail oriented. The smallest things can please or annoy you. You tend to be internally moody. Perceptive and intuitive, you understand people quickly - though you usually won't tell them.

What Does Your Mouth Say About You?

This sounds mostly true. I don’t feel like I’m very moody though....most of the time I’m happy and content.

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive. Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

yup yup, that’s me. I’m surprised a quiz with so few questions could come up with that same Kiersy type so accurately.

yay! i love being me =)

Your Personality Cluster is Introverted Feeling

You are: Tolerant, flexible, and open to new ideas. A stickler for integrity and authenticity. Passionate about causes, beliefs, or politics. Likely to have many "best friends" from many walks of life

What's Your Personality Cluster?

ooo look, another kiersy thing. =)
hmmm.....I always did have trouble figuring out the ‘best friend’ thing, I love so many people so much! I’ve always had to have several.

What Your Favorite Color Green Says About You:

Balanced --- Relaxed --- Flexible Compassionate --- Philosophical --- Humble Loyal --- Inventive --- Unique

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

GREEN!!! yay! I love Green! So Refreshing! I was quite surprised at this one actually, I didn’t expect it to be so detailed, or accurate, really, it’s spot on! I thought it was just going to be something silly, but then I read it, and I was like “wow” *warm fuzzies* =)

Aaaannnnd my second favorit color is:

What Your Favorite Color Purple Says About You:

Intuitive --- Seeking --- Creative Kind --- Self-Sacrificing --- Growth Oriented Strong --- Very Wise --- Rare

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

not bad either....yes...yes...I see this, quite true. =)

They didn’t offer my third favorite color wich is Burgundy.....so I had to go with the one that had it’s place when I was younger.

What Your Favorite Color Pink Says About You:

Blissful --- Content --- Romantic Idealistic --- Expressive --- Artistic Funny --- Quirky --- Individualistic

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

heh, wow, totally. this really is me too =)

That’s amazing how your favorite colors could really say so much about you.

What’s Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

Your Hair Should Be Red

Passionate, fiery, and sassy. You're a total smart aleck who's got the biggest personality around.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

Interesting. I definatley am not loud or sassy, etc. However, I used to always wish my hair was red. only not red red, hair red, which is actually orange, untill I realised that It wouldn’t go very well with a lot of colors, and I would probably have lots of freckles which are cute and charming, but not really me, after wich I decided I would prefer - if I were to change my hair color - to have it be black.....and if I was going to have a ‘funky’ color I’d add dark purple highlights.
......or if I was really going to be ‘out there’ I’d dye it a mixture of green and brown and have swirly brown tattoos all over and turn myself into a wood nymph. (are you scared now of what migth happen if I ever went off the deep end? ;)

You Are 35% Normal

You sure do march to your own beat... But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all You think on a totally different wavelength And it's often a chore to get people to understand you

How Normal Are You?

well, I think that has already been established, heheh =)

You Are Fall!

Thoughtful Expressive Creative Poetic Smart

What Season Woman Are You?

yes, I like autumn, my favorite season =)

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as driven and ambitious. Overall, your true self is moody and dynamic. With friends, you seem thoughtful and interested in ideas. In love, you seem energetic - almost manic. In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

hmmmm.....not so much. I’d be pretty surprised if people actually do see me that way. I’ve always guessed that people probably think I’m dtetermined/unhappy because I don’t tend to walk around with a smile even when I’m happy inside and my eyebrows are rather stright and dark - which coult be construed as glowering, sigh.... They probably also think I’m either squashable or haughty because I don’t make eye contact or friendly exchanges with random people. hmm....I wonder.

Your Aura is Violet

Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world. And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don't always use it! The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach

What Color Is Your Aura?

well, I like purple....but I don’t know that this is really me. I’m not much of a leader, and not very charismatic. As I just finnished saying, I think most people view me as stand-offish, or just plain wierd. More of an untouchable curiosity than a person. In any event I certainly don’t have any care to ‘Change the World’ or ‘Lead’ others.

Your Psyche is Blue

You are deeply emotional and very connected to everything (and everyone) around you. By simply understanding other people, you are able to help them heal and let go. While you are a very deep and thoughtful person, you do have a very silly, superficial side. When you are too blue: the weight of the world's problems hangs over you When you don't have enough blue: you lack perspective and understanding

What Color Is Your Psyche?

emotional, deep, understanding, helping others....yes, i think so. I dont’ prefer blue, but it’s not a bad color. It’s nice and calm.

You Are a Green Crayon

Your world is colored in harmonious, peaceful, natural colors. While some may associate green with money, you are one of the least materialistic people around. Comfort is important to you. You like to feel as relaxed as possible - and you try to make others feel at ease. You're very happy with who you are, and it certainly shows! Your color wheel opposite is red. Every time you feel grounded, a red person does their best to shake you.

What Color Crayon Are You?

yay green again!

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits. Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle. Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it. You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Naturally.

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

The Muppet Personality Test

green again! =) I love Kermie!!

You Are 82% Peaceful

You are the epitome of inner peace and total calm. You are grounded, emotionally mature, and very wise. While no one's life is perfect, you have a great amount of perspective on the world - and you place in it.

How Peaceful Are You?

yes indeedy. although....I’m not calm all the time. I think that’d describe the overall flavor of my view of life, but I can be excitable. I get riled up at frustrations, and hyper with happiness, but I’d say that generally I feel content and pleased.

Now, this next one was hard because there really wasn’t an option that was totally right. I’m sort of a combination of three. When I sleep I’m usually halfway between my side and my stomach, with the bottom leg and arm stretched out straight -arm under the pillow, and toes hanging off the bed and tucked under the little bar at the end of it, while the top leg and arm are curled up close against me in more of the ‘fetal’ position. So, sort of fetal, sort of stomach, sort of side.

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front. Shy and private, you yearn for security. You take relationships slowly. You need lots of reassurances before you can trust. If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Cranky and a big baby It's hard to sleep next to you because: You are a light sleeper

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

yeah, pretty close. shy, yes, yearn for security, yes, I don’t know about slow relationships.....yes and no. I mean, I pretty much really like people rigth away, or I don’t like them and thus don’t make any effort to know them. With people I do like I feel like I tend to be very open right away, and share everything and find out everything.....and then after a while it’s like...what is there left to talk about??? so sometimes then it goes into an awkward lull. when I dont’ get enough sleep I usually feel like I’m going to throw up....which is not conducive to good moods. I am in NO WAY a light sleeper. Once I’m asleep I am dead to everything!

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You have a passion for everything - including sleeping. Outgoing and brash, you tend to still shock those who know you well. You tend to be selfish. You are the most likely type to take over the whole bed. You gravitate toward comfort and don't like extreme situations. If you don't get enough sleep, you are: In a very bad mood It's hard to sleep next to you because: You hog the covers.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Passion, yes! Yes, I like to enjoy my sleep! and get lots of it!
outgoing, no, brash, no. I do go for comfort. And I certainly hog the blankets. I actually NEED at least a whole queen sized comforter just to myself. seriously. I take the whole thing. And sometimes there still somewhere I’m feeling a draft. I can’t sleep without all that squishyness wedged in all around me, under me, between my legs, behind my back, on top of my feet. Yes, beautifull heavy squishy blankets pressing in all around me, ahhhh....then I am comfortable.

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational person with a good deal of balance in your life. Friends consider you to be kind, caring, and truly loyal. You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games. Open to the world, you are not afraid to be yourself. If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Able to cope It's hard to sleep next to you because: You're a bed hog

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

kind, caring, loyal yes, quite true. easy going, trusting, pretty much. not afriad to be me - that’s for sure! I suppose I cope....it’s easier to when I don’t have to have contact with any people for a couple of hours - which I usually don’t.

The Phantom of the Laundry Room is There Inside My Nose

I've always seemed to have a very keen sense of smell, however, as I am not a dog, this attribute has done little to enhance my existance, most of the time it's just a bother.

I bought new detergent this week, by accident. I thought 'orriginal scent' was the unscented variety of Tide, but apparently not. I knew instantly when I unscrewed the lid that a fatal mistake had been made, but there was nothing for it, and I washed my clothes anyway. I was smart enough not to risk the pillow cases in that though. I swear my nose is too good! I've been distracted for the last three days by the smell of the new detergent. It's there, everywhere I go. I keep noticing it because it's not normal. It's not that it's a bad smell, it's just different, and my nose keeps bringing that to my attention. I have no idea how long it'll take to get used to it. I may give up and go buy the right kind before I do laundry again.

This brings me to an odd topic though.....You see, I'm on this quest, have been for years. There are these two elusive smells that I really like, but have been unable to find the source of. They are both 'clean' scents. One smells distinctly like clean laundry, but a very particular variety of clean laundry, and the other smells like some kind of bar soap. I've smelled them on other people a hundred times, but I've never been able to actually find a bar soap or detergent for sale in the grocery store that smells precicely like those ones I like. It's really very perplexing. How can they be in such common use, but not commonly found in the market? Of course the idea of asking people what soap and detergent they use has crossed my mind, but the trouble is I've only smelled them on people that I don't know well, and it would just seem really wierd to be asking your UPS delivery man what kind of soap he washes with =p It'd sound like some kind of lame pick up line or something "You smell so clean! I just love your detergent!" So while I'd love to try lots of different soaps to try to find whatever this one is, I also don't think my nose could handle all the other ones in between....sigh....

all in a dither

whatever is one to do when one wants equally to sing and to eat?

my hand and my mouth cannot figure what it is they are about....it's like playing the trying-to-pass-someone-in-the-hall dance with one's self.

thought of the day

Sometimes it’s harder to do the simple things than the difficult ones.

Things that are simple, easy, mundane are easier to put off or write off. We take them for granted. We’re not on the alert, not trying our best, not really thinking about them at all.....so we just don’t do them, or don’t pay enough attention to them when we do. We’re not alert or on guard when it comes to small things, but we are with big, important, difficult things. It’s easy to shrug off doing a simple worksheet for a boring class because it’s not worth the bother, it doesn’t have sweeping consequences - it’s easy to forget because it’s not big and looming. While doing a big paper is practically more difficult, we’re more likely to pay attention to it, to try harder on it, to not forget it; so it gets done, when the little worksheets don’t. So in a way....it’s easier to do the hard thing, than the easy one because fighting our laziness or inattentiveness is harder than doing the hard thing.

I was thinking about this not so much in regard to school (that was just an example), but life in general. It’s easy to spend a lot of money on a bunch of little things because we buy them without even thinking about them, but hard to spend the same ammount on one large thing because we see it as a big deal and take more time to consider it’s worth and look at our accounts. It’s easier to not do simple favors for other people all day, like opening a door, or giving them a random encouragement, or paying attention to what they’re doing and getting out of the way for them, or remembering to do a simple request like closing the door again on your way out, while it’s dificult to not stop everything and comfort someone who’s just heard that someone they love has died. Dropping everything and sitting with them is more inconveinent, or takes more effort than those other things, but it’s not easily put off. It’s easy to forget to thank God for little blessings like getting green lights all the way to work, or the cofee shop not being out of your favorite pastry, or finding the pen you misplaced, when we would never forget to spend a long time praying and thanking Him and praising Him to others for healing someone of cancer or a missions trip going really well.

Perhaps we need to be a little more intentional toward the small things. While they don’t of themselves have grand effects, there are a lot more of them than the ‘big’ things, and they do add up. All those little things can set the tone for a class, a relationship, or your very life.

Of course this is a lot easier contemplated than practiced. sigh.....

jurassic chores

I just saw the most ginormous moth. seriously this went waaaay beyond steroids. I'm telling you this thing was the size of a bat! which was what I thought it was at first when I opened the laundry room door, flipped on the lights, and saw this black thing flying around the bulb. I swear I heard it squeak - can they do that? do bugs even have vocal chords? I jumped back out the door and shut it as it swooped about. But then when I cautiously peeked in again it had settled on the curtain and I saw that it was actually a very large bug! like it was cross-bred with an ostritch or something. You hear about huge bugs, but you never actually see them. I'm sure I looked pretty odd crouched by the laundry room door and slowly creeping inside like I was spying, heh =) I managed to get my dry clothes without disturbing it agian. That was really rather scary though. Maybe an actuall bat would have been scarier, but it would have been pretty gross to be hit by a gigantic frenzied hairy moth too! heh......it was like Hagrid as a moth - 'too big to be allowed.'

waving the little white flag at wakefullness

ok I surrender. It's not even 1pm yet on this saterday and I don't think I can cling to sleep any longer. I've managed to totallly wrench my neck with all my turning over and insisting on burying my head again, so it's not like it's even comfortable anymore. I'd forgotten how good summer is at robbing you of sleep, that is, I'd forgotten how impossible it is to sleep when it's hot and you don't have air conditioning. Fans just don't do it for me. I naturally get really hot when I sleep as it is and just blowing more warm air at me doesn't nearly help enough. Then there's also the noise that I have to get used to again, and the constant tickling of the little wispy hairs in the wind which I will never get used to. As much as heat makes me feel like doing nothing but lying around, it also prevents me from sleeping very well or very long. sigh..... I think I'll go have some ice-cream for breakfast

one man's trash.....

not that you need to hear it agian, but this is going to be another one of those 'I am wierd' statements, probably which you've heard before, but I was thinking about this, so....blogpost. =)

(I'm working backward through a train of thought here)

Although I like to be truthfull even in those kind of formulaic verbal exchanges which are actually just an acknowlegement of our fellow beings rather than intrerested concerened inquireies or conversation starters, I have given up in some respects. While usually if I answer 'good' to 'how are you/how's it goin' which I more frequently do than most people I know, I truely feel that way and am not just giving you a 'Disney-fied' version of my outlook, I cannot say the same for my reply to such things as 'nice weather out' and 'it's a beautifull day isn't it?'. In these cases I just smile and nod and say yes. That is because nobody wants to hear me gripe when they're cheery and I've grown tired of having to try to explain why sunshine and heat and blue skys make me grumpy and ill and lazy, and how a good heavy thunder-shower right now would do loads for my disposition.

so, yes, I know, my treasure is (mostly) everyone else's trash. seems to happen that way a lot.

Which leads me to the subject of lemons. Actually they are a bit like sunshine now that I think about it (too caustic). People seem to like lemon. Maybe not eating actual lemons, but they definatley seem to have positive reactions to lemon flavored and lemon scented things (which are actually quite different from real lemons' smell and flavor which tends to be less sweet and more bitter, but they like that too). I, naturally, hate lemon anything. (I also hate- no, feel extreeme revulsion toward 'handi-wipes'. always have. they are slimey, and gross, and inevitably lemon scented!) So, naturally, they cut off our supply of nice, soft, absorbant, actually non-scented (not just we-didn't-try-to-cover-up-the-nasty-smell-of-this-scented) swiffers for dusting, and replaced them with lemon scented lysol wipes. I used to be the queen of dusting at work. not anymore. The also switched the regular nasty door-stop worthy frosted sugar cookies we get in the cafe (but which inevitably get delivered to me instead) to the ultra nasty door-stop worthy frosted lemon flavored cookies, which saturate their packaging in that lemony scent and after I open them it sits there reeking next to me in the trash can all afternoon. Meanwhile people rave about how good the cookies are now, and think the back-room smells nice.

My dislike of lemons extends to pretty much anything citrus, acidic, or sour. (though I adore pineapples even though they are citrus and acidic, but I like them because of their flavor, and only put up with the citrusyness and acidicness because of how much I like their sweet taste.) --remember I'm following a train of thought backwards here.-- So oranges and I are not really on friendly terms, although we do have a working relationship =)

and now I come to what I planned to post about in the first place: I had a new flavored yawn yesterday which so far takes the cake for nastiness over sharpie - orange scented chalk-board cleaner. yuck! not only would you not want to swallow that, but it's also infused with memories of childhood afternoons spent cleaning my mother's chalkboards after school. =(

sorry to sound so gripe-y I'm actually in a pleasant laid back mood seeing as it's friday and almost the longest day of the year so it's still a lazy warm-ish twillight outside at 8:30. happy solsitce =)

Open Ends

If I remember correctly the Kiersy Temperament Sorter says P’s (perceiving people) are supposed to like open-ended-ness more that closed-ness because they like the potential possibilities, the options. I’d say this is in many ways true of me. I do like to make tentative plans. I want them to be probable (or at least know the rough percentage of likelihood) so I can have some idea what to expect and prepare for, and how much to allow my hopes to get up, but I don’t like to have all the details set in stone. I may be disappointed if something doesn’t work out after all, but it doesn’t disturb the core of my being just for the fact that the plan changed. Yet I’m not a totally up in the air type person. Some things I do like to view as a ‘done deal’.
What I’ve recently been contemplating is that I’ve found that it is actually easier for me to quit something right in the middle, than at a 'natural' break. I always prefer to finish an entire unit of whatever, but if I’m not going to be able to finish it then it’s easier for me to just stop instantly rather than at a sub-division. This is especially true for books. If I finish a chapter I always feel compelled to flip the page and start the next, but I can fairly easily stop mid-sentence, fold the corner down, and be relatively unbothered by thoughts about the book till the next time I have a chance to pick it up again. I’m also this way with Knitting. If I finnish a row I automatically start into the next and it’s really a conscious struggle to make myself stop. But, if I just stop in the middle of the row I’m fine. Somehow stopping in the middle breaks me out of the ‘gotta get things done, gotta get things done’ mode. I can be extreemly driven by this need to accomplish which feeds itself (the more I accomplish the more motivation I have) to the point of forgetting and pushing aside things like sleep and food and the bathroom, etc. for hours upon hours upon hours. However, once some distraction unlocks me from that mode I’m able to just get up and walk away with hardly a backward glance. Which would also explain why I have many unfinished projects. Once away, their unfinished nature does not pleague my thoughts....the ‘get it done’ trance nolonger holds me. Once I am not working, not accomplishing, I find it quite easy to merely think about a project but never lift a finger. This explains why I don’t just get up early and do things. Once asleep, once comfy in bed I have little motivation to get out of it. I may think about things I’d like to do, but they have very little weight on the scale of choices. And this also explains why I have trouble going to bed; because once I finally do get around to starting something I get locked in and don’t want to stop till it’s completely done - partly because I know if I leave now in the middle it’s likely I won’t get back to it.
One thing in which I absolutely hate open-ended-ness in, however, is space. If I’m in a room I want the door closed. I don’t like open doors, they make me uneasy - I feel like I’m on display in a fishbowl. Open windows are also unsettling. While a room may need the breeze from outside I am always reluctant to open a window, or remain in a room once I have. If I do it feels rather like I’ve got the radio on quietly tuned to fuzz - it’s just back there, something’s not quite right, I can’t feel totally focused. I’m terribly sensitive to drafts which I find uncomfortable and distracting. I also greatly dislike un-used space. I’m not terribly fond of open space in general, but if it’s settled, if it’s used though open - which is possible - it’s ok. No-man’s-lands really bother on me though. I especially can’t stand unfilled corners. Even if the whole wall is empty, there HAS to be something in the corners (and if there’s a big lump of stuff in the center, I will probably divide it into the corners in order to feel more at ease). Another similar thing is that I simply cannot be on my bed without pulling the covers up. It just feels too wierd and open, because somehow the covers are supposed to be there. I also almost always prefer to have something in my lap if I’m sitting - no open space - the lap is a receptical for something, like an empty basket, it needs to be filled. I don’t walk around with blankets wrapped around me - unless I’m cold - but when sitting or laying, somehow it just seems like there ought to be something on top of me. I think somehow pulling the covers up or holding a couch pillow works like a bookend. It makes me feel settled, rather than having that open-ended tipping, on the edge of a cliff feeling. It says, you are here to stay, you are not about to get up, and thus allows me to relax, rather than feeling anticipatory.

Ultimate Dorkdom II

You know you're a dork when it's not toilet paper trailing behind you as you come out of the bathroom, but your friend's bathroom matt!

...But since this little episode took place at a good friend's house and not somewhere public it wasn't embarrasing, it was just really really funny =) You see, I've got these plain ordinary black knitt pants....which seem to be imbued with magnetic powers. I would say it's just loads of static, except that they don't cling to eachother, or my leggs, nor do they crackle. They do atrract constelations of white lint which won't come off, and they still have a few ornery burrs embedded in the hems from some wilderness ramble past, but there was no way that I could have expected to stand up from the pot with the entire -rather heavy rubber bottomed I might add- bathmat firmly affixed to my leggs. It was like velcro or something...only it wasn't velcro. anyway....heh...

too many cooks in the kitchen....or the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing

hooked on phonix, linguistics, creative thinking, spellling bees....there's just way too much in my brain jostling for control when it comes to typing.

I am writing this now because I just witnessed a very singular typo - performed by my very own fingers without the concent of my concious mind.

It wasn't one of those 'oops my fingers are clumsy' typos, no, it wasn't a stab in the dark becauase I have no clue how to spell this thing typo, it wasn't a linguistics gone ballistic typo, it wasn't a jumping ahead to catch up with my thoughts typo.... I think I'd have to call it an 'involuntary creative spelling'. The word in question was very common, and very simple, but something intervened and made it a bit more complicated. I didn't even notice it till I read over my paragraph, and then I had to do a double take. what was that? did I miss a t??

no, uh....I just typed 'my' as 'migh'.

- agh! and just here and now I typed 'as' as 'and'! Several things must be up there playing with the connections in my brain, switching them back and forth and fighting over how they ought to go..'is it red with red, or no, maybe it's blue with red' 'no you've got to connect the white one with the blue one, and the red one goes over here.' 'but then what do I do with the yellow?' 'oh, I don't know, just stick it somwhere'.... something like that, heh =)

Mornings

I lift my hands
Originally uploaded by aelthwyn.

I'm not a morning person....whenever I can I avoid getting up in the AM hours. But this isn't to say I actually hate morning. I hate having to get up and be sociable and productive and active in the morning yes, but there are something that I really love about the morning that you just don't get any other time of day. I love the quiet peacefullness, that fresh, serene atmosphere the early morning has.

Strangely enough I'm actually kind of glad I have to go to work as early as I do. Although I'd prefer not to get there till 3 pm, if I have to work in the morning I really don't want it to be any later than 8, because after that things start getting busy, and noisy, and hot. But early, when the sun hasn't been out for long the world is still at peace and I don't mind so much being out in it in my groggy state...it's not so overwhelming yet. I actually really enjoy my walks to work, particularly since I go through a couple parks and the main street has lots of nice landscaping along it. When my eyes are actually open (often I walk with them closed - I'm pretty good at that) I find my soul is fed by the beautifull dewy leaves and flowers and grass. I almost always want to stop and take pictures, but usually I don't have time. Earlier this week though I managed it, so here's my favorite one. I put up a few more on the flickr site - so go be refreshed =)

bloodletting II: maybe my subconcious has it in for me

I totally sliced my finger on a knife today while washing dishes. The very same finger, in fact, which I totally sliced a couple months ago on a broken glass - which still hasn't totally healed. It was definatley a gusher....I popped it in my mouth and ran about looking for a bandaid while emitting plaintive noises, but then I couldn't find the bandaids, and once I did I couldn't get one open one-handedly, but by the ammount of blood I was swallowing I didn't dare take it out and try to use it. After a long struggle I proved that it is actually possible to unwrap a bandaid one-left-handedly (I even neosporinized it=), so I stuck it quick under the faucet again and got it all bundled up in bandaids while it screamed at me. AND THEN as I'm sniffing back the tears my nose has the audacity to start bleeding! It's like my body was rebelling and trying to splurt as much blood as it could manage - as if it said "fine, you won't let me get it out that way, I'll find another, and you can't stop me! mwahahaha"

Black Jelly Beans

I am happy to announce a discovery for the few of you out there who, like me, eagerly accept others' cast off black jelly beans at Easter. Today I inadvertantly discovered a black-licorice lover's tea. The brand is "Wissotzky Tea" (found in the kosher section of Ralphs) and the flavor is very misleadingly named "Vanilla." The moment I broke the plastic seal, however, the sweet smell of anis filled my nostrels. Not what I expected, but it was no unpleasant surprise. Although the flavor wasn't strong, I found it rather addicting. In spite of the fact that I was really in the mood for some comforting vanilla and after the first sip to confirm the connection of the scent and the taste I set the cup aside, I kept finding myself thinking, 'well, just one more sip. okay, maybe one more. how about another. well I might as well finish it off.' =)

phantom rye bread

When I yawn I get these random after-tastes (they never have anything to do with recently eaten foods, in fact they're not even always foods at all). pretty wierd. Currently it's rye bread - like the ghosts of rye breads past coming back to haunt my throat, mwahaha! =) Chocolate yawns are pretty good. But sometimes it's stuff like sharpie marker, or clean laundry, or pine. I'd actually have to say the laundry one is my favorite - always makes me feel warm and fuzzy. yeah, I know I'm strange. heh.

do you have flavored yawns???

His voice

This is what He says to me:
Revel My child!
you are My joy
twirl and sing
that they may see
that they may hear
that I might laugh
for I made you to be My joy in the world

may I never let the eyes of men make me ashamed of His joy, for it is a gift beyond the worth of all the world.

sappyness gone sour, or 'Why is a vampire like a butterfly?'

I was looking at pictures of butterflies today. I was thinking awww...how sweet, a butterfly kissing a flower....AND sucking up it's nectar. It doesn't love the flower, it just wants to eat. So it struck me that butterflys are kind of like vampires.

Elfwood

I'm finally on elfwood! I don't have much up there, since most of my 'art' is nature photos which are on deviantart, but I had been meaning to join for several years now, so I'm glad I finally did =) I'm not sure why the thumbnails aren't showing up in my gallery there though - all you get is links with the titles. oh well. if you feel like it you can check it out.

http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/art/a/e/aelthwyn/aelthwyn.html