wish list.......

So this is my list of things I'd like to eventually get along with some other things that would just be nice combined to make my 2008 Christmas List, and after discussing the matter with Marcy I decided to go ahead and make a blogpost of this for easy reference for anyone actually wanting to get me something but feeling at a loss. I've certainly been haveing trouble coming up with ideas for people myself this year, sigh...

Books
Eulalia
High Rhulain
Doomwyte
Brisinger
Dark Whispers - the third in the Unicorn Chronicles by Bruce Coville
Fabric Glossary - by Mary Humphries (4th edition)
The Anglo Files - Sarah Lyall
Beedle the Bard Collector's Edition (J.K.Rowling) - on Amazon
the new set of the Prydain Chronicles (Lloyd Alexander) the covers are so nice...and my current set doesn't match.
Cool Leather Journals: any of the celtic, dragon, or gryphon ones
Easton Press: Cinderella & Sleeping Beauty - my very favorite illustrator!!!! I want these sooo bad!
Easton Press: Andrew Lang's Fairy Books - I've been wanting to collect all of these ones, but the paperbacks aren't available thorugh the store anymore, and the leather ones are sooo nice! :D (of course) with colour pictures instead of the cheapy black and white copies of the coloured ones, heh......but I would be quite happy just to get the rest of the paperbacks --I've already got: pink, violet, brown, and orange (they are called 'the Violet Fairy Book', 'The Grey Fairy Book' etc.
Easton Press: Robin Hood - its green, it's robin hood, it's leather, of course I want it ;)

DVDs (wisdescreen of course)
James Bond ultimate collector's set
Trigun box set
Five Mile Creek box set
Castle in the Sky
Prince Caspian
Jim Hensons The Story Teller: Greek Myths

CDs
Indiana Jones: The Soundtracks Collection (all four in a box set!)
A Midwinter Night's Dream - Loreena McKennit
And Winter Came - Enya
ET soundtrack
A&E Pride and Predjudice Soundtrack (I've already got the one from the recent movie)
something by Rachmaninov or Tchaikovsky (I have all his ballets)

Other
herb growing starter
prints from my DeviantArt wishlist (I like the 4x6 or 5x7 sizes, not the big ones)
large candles - preferably little or no scent - or vanilla
carved wooden candlesticks or candle lanturns

Fellowship Foundry stuff
castle swtichplate
celtic swtichplate
'classic dragon' goblet or 'dragon demi-goblet' (I like the smooth top option, which is also cheaper)

Leather shoes:
'two button gypsy' I like the one pictured there in dark and light brown

Stuff from The Noble Collection
--Harry Potter--
time turner necklace - gold
hermione's wand
godrics sword
hogwarts writing quill
mirror of erised
hogwarts house pins - well really I just wnat gryffindor, but it dosesn't look to come separate, sigh
gryffindor mug
--LOTR--
lothlorien candle holder
theoden's sword
galadriel's ring
elven brooch
arwen butterfly ring
middle-earth goblet
arwen butterfly brooch
phial of galadriel
--the noble collection stuff--
snowflake pendant
renaissance celestial armillary
mariners hourglass
constellation draco compas

Teas
Mighty-Leaf: vanilla bean (my very favorite tea ever)
Teaforte - I like black and chai teas: earl grey, bombay chai, vienna cinamon, orchid vanilla, forte, ginger, winter chai
Harney & Sons : Yellow and Blue (chamomile lavendar), Vanilla Comoro (decaf vanilla - it doesn't taste decaf though), and Winter White Earl Grey. These are being discontinued I think and are on sale - I want to get them while I still can because they are among my very favorites!
Spice Traders Teas: vanilla, jasmine, licorice spice
clear glass tea pot - on the smaller side, something good for one person
pretty mug or teacup

Electronics
good speakers - preferably with cords that connect on both ends so they could be replaced later if the cord goes without having to buy new spakers
digital slr camera - so I could focus myself - & marco lense -- I think I'd prefer a cannon

Home Decor stuff
nice dark wood standing coat/hat rack
Wooden Screen from Cost Plust World Market: Kashmir-Screen (the have a couple other modles I like, but they don't have them on their website)

Places I can always use gift cards
amazon.com
Jo-Annes
B&N
Target
Starbucks
iTunes

Abundance

I am so blessed, so rich, so full, so surrounded by abundance. Even though all my ife I have lived under the shaddow of 'financial problems' I have always been amply provided for, even my wants have been greatly satisfied. Truely 'my cup runneth over'. Thus for God's provision and lavish generosity I give Him thanks!

a beautifull day in the neighborhood

It is such a lovely day out! ...all cool and cloudy and there's the scent of rain in the air! :D

feeling beautifull

isn't it nice, those moments when you just feel lovely....not necessarily when you feel like others think you are, but when you in your own experience of yourself just feel lovely ^.^ .....this evening laying here on my stomach on the floor with my hair falling all around me and draping across my back, with my computer and the music playing, I just feeeel beautifull. If I had a mirror right now it is quite likely I wouldn't think I looked especially lovely, but I don't have one, and I am savoring the sensation.

hmmmm....you know I think there is a great deal of attractiveness that comes from how we feel about ourselves.....are we able to really feel beautifull? Just as some people seem to be able to really 'make' an outfit which someone else would just look silly in because they have the poise and confidence and a kind of personality mesh with the outfit, so i think we can make whatever features we have glow at times when we're feeling particularly comfortable and happy within ourselves.

I Love Lewis!

While reading merely the first two pages of An Experiment in Criticism I have already felt my heart swell, squealed with delight, and clapped my hands in enthusiastic agreement with this kindred spirit. It's lovely to be struck once again with the reasons he is my favorite author =D

Divine Fashion Advice

Don't wear the pink butterfly jacket with that red shirt

This morning when I was about to leave I went to grab the sweatshirt I normally wear on my morning walk which has a sort of pinkish lacy butterfly appliqued to the front btu I couldn't find it anywheres. It's my favorite sweatshirt so I was a bit worried that it's lost, but I didn't have time to fuss and just grabbed a plain velour black one with a starshaped zipperpull. Once I got to work and actually looked at myself in the mirror in the bathroom I realised that I looked so cute in the black with the bit of red showing around the waist and where the zipper wasn't closed up all the way - it looked like a perfectly designed outfit and I had jsut been grabbing whatever I could find off the top of the pile, heh. I'm not glad about the sweatshirt missing, but hey thanks God for the great fashion direction, teehee ;)

wait what?!

how did I end up with a full screen version of AOTC?!? I mean, sure I hated that movie, but how can my set be complete when one of the members is a full screen version?! what little is worthwhile in this thing requires the widescreen view! The fact that I probably spent money on the full screen is what kills me =( heh

cullinary brilliancey =D

*crazed ice-cream rimmed smile*

Spiced Ice-cream
it should be a regular flavor
yes yes indeed it should!
as should creamed honey be a regular topping
aye, some of the tastiest stuff I've ever put together that!

A few days ago I came upon this brilliant idea while on vacation, visiting Marcusstratus from deviantart and his mum in the fair town of Huntsville, Utah. We had Breyer's all natural vanilla (the only vanilla ice-cream worth having, unless of course it's home-made) and as we sat around the table preparing our dessert it struck me that this stuff would taste simply fantastic with cinnamon, nutmeg (which they had freshly ground!), and cloves -- rather like eggnog actually with those flavors.

And then! it came to me that the cinamon-creamed-honey we had there would be quite nice drizzled on top - which, indeed, it proved to be. And when I later tried this recipe again I added pieces of walnuts which were delish with it as well.....and I suppose that pecans would also be as tastey.

mmmm.......... so yes! as I am enjoying once again this marvelous concoction I would love to share it with you all =D

Sunlight Mainfested as Wings

There have been a lot of moths in the park of late and one afternoon they were al glimmering in the light slanting through the trees and it was so beautiful; one of those magical moments when it seems like the earth is singing! =)

Summer Snowflakes

well the fire season is in full swing so as I braved the heat today to take pictures in the late afternoon light which was more orange than usual and was met by a flurry of white flakes, which however were accompanied by the smell of woodsmoke rather than a crisp breeze, ah well.

Happy 4th of July!

sleepdrugged

mmm....what were those thoughts? I know I had some.......

Conspicuosity

Ever want to carry something on your head, or spontaneously leap with a surge of energy? Ever want to dance or sing? Ever realise you’re going the wrong way and keep going or take the long way ‘round ‘cause you’d look silly stopping in your tracks and doing an about face? Ever want to wear some hat, or something unusual just ‘cause you like it, but feel like it’d be too odd or ‘innapropriate’?
And do you ever wonder if perhaps the eyes you feel watching you are only your own?

It seems as though so many of our urges and quirks are reigned in and kept hidden by this pervasive social fear that one might draw negative or unwanted attention. But really, does it matter at all what people you will never see again think of you? Or even, that those you regularly encounter should know what you’re really like? I wonder how much of the pressure we feel to conform is really something we place on ourselves individually out of fear of rejection...or of simply standing out and drawing the eyes of others.

I’ve never been one to take much note of the people around me, and yet I too am subject to these, perhaps immagined, social fetters. Sometimes they win, and I always feel ashamed for it, but most of the time I break free. I’m not saying that we should be inappropriate, tactless, insensitive, and solely lead by our fleeting desires, but we’e put muzzles on dogs that don’t bite and taken the wheels off our wagons lest we should happen to steer them the wrong way. Of course one should be mindfull of others, and yet, not mindfull in that debilitating way of fearing what they may or may not think, which is completely unrelated to caring about causing them trouble. So I say, do not clip your own wings! Let thyself fly! Release the joy, the energy, the individuality you have! That’s one of the great things about kids, the don’t worry themselves overmuch abotu stuff like that, they feel free to have fun. I can’t immagine why we think it’s more mature to prevent oneself from enjoying life. And you know....I bet people would be a bit more fit too if they wouldn’t keep themselves always in ‘dignified,’ stiff, unexciting poses and actions.

As I go through the day I find that I naturally stand in ‘odd’ positions which may look rather like I’m trying to pose, but really it just feels comfortable or fits what I’m thinking/feeling. Especially when I visit museums....or when I’m browsing grocery store isles, lol.....I tend to move differently than ‘normal’ people. Hmm....a bit more dancelike I guess...in slow-mo. I seem to naturally move my feet through ballet positions....yeah, it’s not like I was really in dance much, and I did that before I took classes, interesting..... I also tend to lean back and forth or to the side wierd, and rest my arms strangely, hehe. *shrug* ...hard to explain I guess, but I don’t like to just stand there normal like most people. I guess I never really understood why standing out is such a horrible thing to some people. It’s not that I’m wanting to attract attention by what I do or wear, I just don’t care if people happen to notice. I usually just ignore whatever attention I’m getting, I figure if they feel like gawking that’s their business. And besides, I rather hope I can show other’s it’s ok to be ‘wierd’ and inspire them to feel free to do the same =)

so yes! go and feel free to be conspicuous!

Touching Other Worlds

I love these moments when listening to music it seems as though your soul bursts from this skin that houses it and touches something beyond, something more than the sounds, when it seems everyting else around you has disappeared...it’s like suddenly soaring through another world! As though your soul travles through the music and knits itself with that intangible, mysterious soul of the music, that which makes it more than vibrations and noise.

Wind is like that too sometimes.....it feels like it whisks by and snatches your soul away upon it, and you stand there in a continous moment of being swept away, feeling as though your very self has become a portal through which the wind rushes to another world into which you stare not with eyes but heart, and what there is of you standing in this earth seems a distant memory.

stroke of genius

As I was sitting in the bath last night I was hit by an idea...something which must have been rattling around and forming in there for quite a long time I suppose. Or perhaps I thought of it before and forgot. You see, back in my first year of college I had a roomate who always put on this apple scent in the morning when she got ready to go, which was qutie a while before I had to get up, and every morning I would wake up as soon as she sprayed that smell. SO! It struck me last night that if one could be trained to wake up to a smell rather than a sound, why couldn't there be alarm clocks that were set to spray some scent - I suppose whatever a person chose to fill it with - at a certain time rather than playing music. And then I realised that that would be a great alternative for the hearing imparied. I did a quick search for hearing impared alarm clocks and it seems that they have ones with flashing lights and bed shakers.
Being the loather of mornings that I am I should definately hate having to be woken in that fashion, hearing impared or not. In fact the liklihood of my actually getting up is related to how gently I am dragged from the mire, if wrenched from it I become doubly determined to return, and of course it puts me very out of sorts should I loose.
However, it seems like a scent sparyer couldn't be more difficult to make than bed shakers, and if one could choose a pleasant smell as a gentle signal that it's time to get up, I should think it would be a much easier way to wake up someone who couldn't hear, and certainly less of a harrasment for anyone sharing a bed or room with someone hard of hearing. Hmm.....I could make millions ;p

"A man drowned in his bed?! Impossible!"

I have no idea how much water I have consumed in the last 48 hours, but it is considerably more than the reccommended 8 cups a day. This past week or two I've been pleagued by some of the worst allergies I've ever experienced, aside from cats, and in fact woke up a couple nights ago thinking I was about to die being unable to breath, as though a hand were clenched round my lungs, and of course the glue-like masses clogging my throat and sinuses.

Then it struck me that perhaps what with all the dripping and blowing and sneezing I might be needing more water than normal, which might explain the putty like consistancy of all that gunk, so I made sure to drink whenever I felt dry...which was constantly. It seems to have made some difference! Perhaps it is actually washing away whatever allergines have been accumulating - if they do that, I don't know. But as I lay me down to sleep tonight I can't help thinking about that classic scene in Charade and wondering if I should die before I wake if they should rather say she hath imbibed too much, than it was the flowers that killed her.

so, um...what about mental health benefits?

gah! I'm seriously starting to go mad! And I hold Barnes and Noble completely responsible. It all started when our store, which doesn't have a music department I'd like to note, decided to play only CDs we carry all the time. Because we don't have a music section, that makes the selection extreemly limited. Unfortuneatly this new music regime conveniently coincided with the dismisal of our regular shelving crew and the decree that the recieving team (all 2 of us) will now spend half our day out shelving. Which Means! that I have to spend a good portion of the day being subjected to a broken reccord. Honnestly it feels like they've created my very own torture chamber, just for me, yes. As you already know, I hate pretty much all modern/rock music. And of course, that's what all this stuff is. The worst thing about it is that my mind has a way of getting songs, especially ones I don't like, stuck in my head. So not only do I have to deal with this while I'm at work, I get to take home my portable torture chamber and listen to these songs on repeat on my way home, and while I'm eating diner, and all night in my dreams, and when I wake up in the morning, what do you know! they're still there haunting me. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

gah!

I'm sick of wheezing! Do you know how irritating that is to be constantly thinking about trying to get enough air? Thank God that's normally a subconcious/involuntary function, or we'd never get anything else done. I haven't had much asthma trouble in the last several years, but there's something out there this spring that seems to be made especially to torment me. I don't know what's blooming that's causing this, but it really needs to die!

wierd dog

I saw the strangest 'mutt' the other day. It had the body and face etc. of an English Bull Terrier, but the coloring of a greyhound. Very odd combination if you ask me.

temporary

I just realised I didn't actually post something I thought I had earlier, so I clikced 'post' now, but I didn't change when it was written, so there is a 'new' post, but it's not here at the top --see Jan 25th.

True Love

The mark of a true friend, it seems to me, is that you don't have to do anything special to have a good time, you don't have to say everything clearly to be understood, it doesn't have to be important to be worth listening to or caring about. A true friend is someone who holds that smallest part of you in their hands gently, who understands and cares about the little things in your life, not just the things worth 'writing home' about, not just the things that affect them. When they can listen to your deepest ponderings and your pointless prattlings, you know they must truely love you.

God loves each of us so much, but do we remember that in the mundane moments? Do we have a good time with Him in those every day moments, when nothing special's happening. Do we chat with Him anyway, when there's no important requests, when we're not overwhelmed with joy? And when we get frustrated by little things, or bogged down with boring details, do we remember that He cares about all those little things too, that He understands our wierd moods, and doesn't mind our sillly ramblings. He thinks we're cute, and precious, and holds that little heart of ours in His hands so lovingly. He won't stay mad at us long when we mess up, and though He's as powerfull as the crashing waves, He also whispers softly in our ears. He whisperes it all the time, 'I love you.' Do we remember to keep whispering back 'I love you too.' I think just remembering He's always there and giving Him all our little thoughts and cares makes Him happy, happy to keep holding our hands, and keep listening, and keep reminding us that He doesn't ever tune us out to take care of more important matters.

I've found that when I remember to stop and pray about all the little things, the things that don't really matter in the long run, He always blesses me with little reminders that He really is there, listening, that my life really matters to Him. And when I remember to just stop and smile up at Him when I'm happy, to say 'thanks' and 'You're so wonderfull' whenever I see something beautifull, or have a really good thought, or things are going well, or something small but nice happens, then I am filled with the sensation of His smile on me. When I remember that all these little blessings are His gifts, then I know He loves me.

further ruminations on morningness and nightness

I have observed that most morning people seem to be 'practical' types, and also somewhat conformists in the sense that they value established ways of doing things (or established uses for things. -An example of what I mean here is someone never dreaming of using a scarf for anything but a scarf simply because it was called a scarf at the store and therefore has been categorized in their mind as 'something to go around the neck for warmth' as opposed to simply 'a long piece of cloth'). What I wonder is whether there is something deeper within which links waking up with the sun (or feeling particularly energetic directly after waking up) and liking to follow instructions on the 'proper' way of doing things rather than making things up as you go along, or if this preference of morning is simply a product of the preference for established ways in light of the long accepted saying 'The early bird get's the worm' or the generally respected (even if resented) idea that getting up early in the morning means that you are not lazy (and conversely that sleeping later in the day implies laziness or some kind of lack of worth and tendancy toward wonton behaviour).

What I also find perplexing is how easily these practical people miss their own inconsistancy when refusing to cooperate with 'night people.' (Perhaps a penchant for believing oneself to (almost) always be in posession of absolute truth on matters is also somehow linked with the morning and conforming traits?) A morning person, when they have reached their limit energy-wise, will simply tell you they are going to stop whatever it is you may be doing together and go to bed - in fact they will usually say they 'have' to go to bed. And they would think it ludicrous and insensitive of someone to insist that they stay up a moment longer, and feel just in refusing to do so. Yet, when a night person tells them that they simply cannot get up at this time, that they have to sleep a little longer, they won't stand for it, and frequently launch into disparaging their character and habits, and continue to pester or even assualt them untill they are forced to get up in spite of their disinclination, or lack of the required abilities, to do so. (It would seem morning people have no qualms about dragging dead weights along with them, even though they will complain about it, blaming, of course, the dead weight and not their choice to bring it. It should be noted here that in contrast, while a night person may greately desire to keep a morning person up, and may plead, or devise ways of keeping them awake, once the statment of 'bed, now' has been made it seems they are usually willing to dismiss their 'party-pooping' presence - rather than dragging along a limp body).

On the other hand it is common for 'creative' types to be night people. I suppose perhaps that creativity is neccessarily more open ended, as it requires searching for the end of something (whether it be a piece of art, or the conclusion of a theory/experiment), seeing possibilities, and turning one thing into something else, as opposed to working methodically toward and already established ending point with already establlished tools or methods. And perhaps it is this open-ended nature that allows them to continue on indefinately in either one state or another (whether action or sleep) - thus they keep late hours (caught up in the exhilaration of inspiration) and then sleep long the next day after the work of the night before is done, or they drop with exhaustion. Morning people, then, in contrast, work all day toward the ending point of 'bed time' which is already relatively established in their minds, and then also, in a sense, sleep toward the goal of waking up, also at a relatively pre-established time in their mind. This also may tie in with 'time-oriented-ness' to some degree in respect to liking measured, established, scheduals, and predictable limits.

What I wonder, then, is whether the trend to be accepting of the fact that some people simply are lively in the morning (however incomprehensible and vexing it may be to them), which I have frequently observed in night people, is due to a general openness of mind and the understanding that something can be used as something else (in this case that the day can certainly be used for sleep and the night can certainly be used for action), both uses being perfectly acceptible because in their minds things are categorized by nature and not function (My thought here being, if you think of something fundementally as 'something that does this' you won't think of it as also being able to do something else -it goes against itself, but if you think of something as 'something with these qualities' then it could be used for anything that requires those qualities. ex: a sheet is something you cover your matress with; a large piece of cloth could be used as a sheet, or a tarp, or a cloak, or a curtain, or a knapsack, or a sail, or, or, or.......); Or if it is simply because 'liking morning's is right' has been so hammered into them by parents and teachers and culture that they can only add 'but nights are good too,' unable to escape the reality that, whether or not one way is or is not right, both types of people do exist.

Of course not everyone fits nicely onto two groups, these are just general trends I have noticed.

do-do-do-do *twilight zone theme plays* ;)

I was laying here after a nap in the usual drugged stupor when it suddenly struck me with new force just how disgusting the whole harry potter fiasco is. Betryed! we've been betrayed! It's not even like the feeling you get about a lot of TV shows: it had a good run, but by the end it had turned into an unrecognizeable cheese monster. No, the story wasn't over and done, the characters weren't gradually weeded out and replaced by fresh meat. No this was a Twilight Zone nightmare that we'll never wake up out of. We were suddenly and visciously betrayed in the middle of the story arc. The characters were mutilated beyond recognition. The plot took a dive and circled the drain. We were thrust into some alternate universe where everything that had captured us about the books was gone: the charming atmosphere dashed to pieces with a sledge hammer, the loveable characters exchanged for their 'evil twins', our questions and hopes forsaken, ignored, denied, our respect for the intricately thought out details who's relevance we only discovered later in the game replaced by cheesy notes that jump out and say 'Watch me I'm goingto be important!'

bounce bounce

happy happy joy joy! What an amazing gift every day, God has given me such a precious gift. look! here, let me share! *bounce* *giggle* *twirl* it's like being handed a personal ray of sunshine. He's so good! there are so many different bits of happiness =) but right now it's the song 'Awaya Baka' by Baka Beyond. The words that come to mind whenever I hear this are 'outrageously happy!' it just makes me smile every time! I can't help but bounce around like a silly little kid =) A couple other ones that always seem to do this too are the 1941 march by John Williams - makes you want to dance in the streets and beam at everyone you meet, and the ode to joy it just swells up one's heart like a huge baloon rising into the clouds.......joyfull joyfull we adore Thee, God of glory Lord of love...... squee!

i wish you wouldn't tell me about it, you have this way of making everything sound reasonable and then rooms begin to burn......

it's crazy how reasonable things can sound. like that staying up to finnish this will give you enough of a feeling of satisfaction that a little less sleep will be worth it, it'll be ok. Or how just five more minutes with your face planted in the pillow will be just fine and you'll be able to make it to work on time anyway....I wonder where that deluded little voice comes from, really. That whole cartoon thing about having a little devil and a little angel on your shoulder doesn't feel so far off. not that I'd necessarily call either one a devil or an angel, frequently the crazy talk of your inner mind has nothing to do with moral choices, just matters of practicality. Something sounds great, untill you see how much you'll have to put yourself through to compensate.....maybe you really would have rather done the other option, but for some reason at the time it's little voice wasn't piping up so you got a warped set of pros and cons coming at you. (or maybe there really isn't a 'better' choice it just looks that way from either side) heh....well I guess I'm choosing hell tomorrow morning, seeing as I'm typing to you right now. Ya gotta hand it to those little voices, somehow they always manage to squeeze just enough hope past your memory of past experiences to make it seem like it'll work better this time. sigh......

Lament!

why does good tea have to be so rare and so expensive in america?
I don't remember it being so outrageous in england.....maybe they have the outrageous stuff too, but it seemed even their cheap tea wasn't nasty like ours is. And it was available in large quantities, not just the little mini boxes (which still manage to cost a lot).

I've just been looking at teaforte's website, they have some of the best tea I've ever had, but still....$2.50 for one teabag? I don't want to just get nice tea for special occasions once in a while. I mean....if good tea exists, then why would you ever drink the nasty stuff?? why can't they just make all tea good and not make it if it's gonna be bad. yes I know, because people want to try and cut every corner possible and squeaze every penny out of you. yeah, I know. and I know why it has to be that way, yeah yeah.....enough with the jaded view of life retorts. It's no less stupid or aggrivating just because that's the way it is...what kind of an excuse is that? It is that way? well it shouldn't be. And if more people didn't buy into that, then, well, maybe it would be better, no?

Anyway....It's really sad that good tea is so scarce and so exhorbitantly priced. *sob*

oh! and have you seen? Lipton is now trying to copy all these fancy teamakers and is coming out with cloth teabags. ha! ................ ha! It's not the packaging, it's what's inside......we'll see if they've actualy improved on their cardboard shavings or not.

Nothing could be finer....

than moments like these. With that old-time Christmas feeling in the air, sitting at home with a hot cup of tea, the scent of the Christmas tree filling the house, and beautifull music washing over you. sigh....

=)

As if you're doing it for the Lord

I think this has got to be one of the most frequently misused ideas in modern Christianity. So often I've heard this phrase used to try to turn people into paranoid perfectionists, afraid that somehow if they don't do something really well they're failing as Christians. The irony, I think, is that the center of Christian beliefe is that God has loved us in spite of our shortcomings, in spite of our sin and rebellion, so if we are doing things for Him, wouldn't it be with the knowledge that He knows we are but dust? And yet people scare others away from bringing their honnest, if feeble, offerings by implying that one has to strive to be excellent in everything or else they must not really be doing things as if for God. That is an absolutely ludicrous idea. It takes us out of God's grace and back into the trap that all other religions end up boiling down to - you must save yourself: By doing this, by saying that, by striving to become perfect, by dedication and effort you must gain your salvation. NO! God has provided attonement, He has granted forgiveness, and He has given us His spirit to live inside us and help guide us out of the destructive ways we are mired in in this life. His hand upholds us, not our own two legs. I think that 'doing things as if for God' means with a spirit of communion with and service toward Him. It means looking for His hand in every day life, looking for what he is doing and choosing your actions to follow along with His, it means letting Him work through you and acting with a heart that is in sync. with His. It's not how well you are able to do things or how hard you try to be perfect in everything, it's listening for His guidance, and dedicating all the sucess to Him. We are very limited beings, we simply cannot do everything to our utmost - overdrive is called overdrive for a reason. We have to choose what to focus more effort on and what we have to resign to the 'backburner'. But even the things we can't spend all our efforts on we can do with a heart that is in step with the Spirit of God, with love, with mercy and justice, with the desire to give Him glory and thanks. That is doing things as if for the Lord.

Life....

....is good
things may be tough
and exhausting
and even depressing
but somehow....
....life is always good.
because there are always moments like these,
small moments
when something is just perfect.
when a warm finger of sunlight touches your cheek
when your tummy is full and satisfied with the cheap soup you got for dinner
when the wind ripples through the leaves and the green fills your spirit
when your head sinks perfectly into your pillow far too late in the night, but somehow it feels better than ever.
life is good.
yes.
Praise be to God!

Quizes =)

What People Think of Your Mouth

People see you both as reserved and sweet. You tend to be very sensitive and detail oriented. The smallest things can please or annoy you. You tend to be internally moody. Perceptive and intuitive, you understand people quickly - though you usually won't tell them.

What Does Your Mouth Say About You?

This sounds mostly true. I don’t feel like I’m very moody though....most of the time I’m happy and content.

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive. Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

yup yup, that’s me. I’m surprised a quiz with so few questions could come up with that same Kiersy type so accurately.

yay! i love being me =)

Your Personality Cluster is Introverted Feeling

You are: Tolerant, flexible, and open to new ideas. A stickler for integrity and authenticity. Passionate about causes, beliefs, or politics. Likely to have many "best friends" from many walks of life

What's Your Personality Cluster?

ooo look, another kiersy thing. =)
hmmm.....I always did have trouble figuring out the ‘best friend’ thing, I love so many people so much! I’ve always had to have several.

What Your Favorite Color Green Says About You:

Balanced --- Relaxed --- Flexible Compassionate --- Philosophical --- Humble Loyal --- Inventive --- Unique

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

GREEN!!! yay! I love Green! So Refreshing! I was quite surprised at this one actually, I didn’t expect it to be so detailed, or accurate, really, it’s spot on! I thought it was just going to be something silly, but then I read it, and I was like “wow” *warm fuzzies* =)

Aaaannnnd my second favorit color is:

What Your Favorite Color Purple Says About You:

Intuitive --- Seeking --- Creative Kind --- Self-Sacrificing --- Growth Oriented Strong --- Very Wise --- Rare

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

not bad either....yes...yes...I see this, quite true. =)

They didn’t offer my third favorite color wich is Burgundy.....so I had to go with the one that had it’s place when I was younger.

What Your Favorite Color Pink Says About You:

Blissful --- Content --- Romantic Idealistic --- Expressive --- Artistic Funny --- Quirky --- Individualistic

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

heh, wow, totally. this really is me too =)

That’s amazing how your favorite colors could really say so much about you.

What’s Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

Your Hair Should Be Red

Passionate, fiery, and sassy. You're a total smart aleck who's got the biggest personality around.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

Interesting. I definatley am not loud or sassy, etc. However, I used to always wish my hair was red. only not red red, hair red, which is actually orange, untill I realised that It wouldn’t go very well with a lot of colors, and I would probably have lots of freckles which are cute and charming, but not really me, after wich I decided I would prefer - if I were to change my hair color - to have it be black.....and if I was going to have a ‘funky’ color I’d add dark purple highlights.
......or if I was really going to be ‘out there’ I’d dye it a mixture of green and brown and have swirly brown tattoos all over and turn myself into a wood nymph. (are you scared now of what migth happen if I ever went off the deep end? ;)

You Are 35% Normal

You sure do march to your own beat... But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all You think on a totally different wavelength And it's often a chore to get people to understand you

How Normal Are You?

well, I think that has already been established, heheh =)

You Are Fall!

Thoughtful Expressive Creative Poetic Smart

What Season Woman Are You?

yes, I like autumn, my favorite season =)

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as driven and ambitious. Overall, your true self is moody and dynamic. With friends, you seem thoughtful and interested in ideas. In love, you seem energetic - almost manic. In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

hmmmm.....not so much. I’d be pretty surprised if people actually do see me that way. I’ve always guessed that people probably think I’m dtetermined/unhappy because I don’t tend to walk around with a smile even when I’m happy inside and my eyebrows are rather stright and dark - which coult be construed as glowering, sigh.... They probably also think I’m either squashable or haughty because I don’t make eye contact or friendly exchanges with random people. hmm....I wonder.

Your Aura is Violet

Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world. And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don't always use it! The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach

What Color Is Your Aura?

well, I like purple....but I don’t know that this is really me. I’m not much of a leader, and not very charismatic. As I just finnished saying, I think most people view me as stand-offish, or just plain wierd. More of an untouchable curiosity than a person. In any event I certainly don’t have any care to ‘Change the World’ or ‘Lead’ others.

Your Psyche is Blue

You are deeply emotional and very connected to everything (and everyone) around you. By simply understanding other people, you are able to help them heal and let go. While you are a very deep and thoughtful person, you do have a very silly, superficial side. When you are too blue: the weight of the world's problems hangs over you When you don't have enough blue: you lack perspective and understanding

What Color Is Your Psyche?

emotional, deep, understanding, helping others....yes, i think so. I dont’ prefer blue, but it’s not a bad color. It’s nice and calm.

You Are a Green Crayon

Your world is colored in harmonious, peaceful, natural colors. While some may associate green with money, you are one of the least materialistic people around. Comfort is important to you. You like to feel as relaxed as possible - and you try to make others feel at ease. You're very happy with who you are, and it certainly shows! Your color wheel opposite is red. Every time you feel grounded, a red person does their best to shake you.

What Color Crayon Are You?

yay green again!

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits. Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle. Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it. You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Naturally.

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

The Muppet Personality Test

green again! =) I love Kermie!!

You Are 82% Peaceful

You are the epitome of inner peace and total calm. You are grounded, emotionally mature, and very wise. While no one's life is perfect, you have a great amount of perspective on the world - and you place in it.

How Peaceful Are You?

yes indeedy. although....I’m not calm all the time. I think that’d describe the overall flavor of my view of life, but I can be excitable. I get riled up at frustrations, and hyper with happiness, but I’d say that generally I feel content and pleased.

Now, this next one was hard because there really wasn’t an option that was totally right. I’m sort of a combination of three. When I sleep I’m usually halfway between my side and my stomach, with the bottom leg and arm stretched out straight -arm under the pillow, and toes hanging off the bed and tucked under the little bar at the end of it, while the top leg and arm are curled up close against me in more of the ‘fetal’ position. So, sort of fetal, sort of stomach, sort of side.

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front. Shy and private, you yearn for security. You take relationships slowly. You need lots of reassurances before you can trust. If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Cranky and a big baby It's hard to sleep next to you because: You are a light sleeper

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

yeah, pretty close. shy, yes, yearn for security, yes, I don’t know about slow relationships.....yes and no. I mean, I pretty much really like people rigth away, or I don’t like them and thus don’t make any effort to know them. With people I do like I feel like I tend to be very open right away, and share everything and find out everything.....and then after a while it’s like...what is there left to talk about??? so sometimes then it goes into an awkward lull. when I dont’ get enough sleep I usually feel like I’m going to throw up....which is not conducive to good moods. I am in NO WAY a light sleeper. Once I’m asleep I am dead to everything!

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You have a passion for everything - including sleeping. Outgoing and brash, you tend to still shock those who know you well. You tend to be selfish. You are the most likely type to take over the whole bed. You gravitate toward comfort and don't like extreme situations. If you don't get enough sleep, you are: In a very bad mood It's hard to sleep next to you because: You hog the covers.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Passion, yes! Yes, I like to enjoy my sleep! and get lots of it!
outgoing, no, brash, no. I do go for comfort. And I certainly hog the blankets. I actually NEED at least a whole queen sized comforter just to myself. seriously. I take the whole thing. And sometimes there still somewhere I’m feeling a draft. I can’t sleep without all that squishyness wedged in all around me, under me, between my legs, behind my back, on top of my feet. Yes, beautifull heavy squishy blankets pressing in all around me, ahhhh....then I am comfortable.

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational person with a good deal of balance in your life. Friends consider you to be kind, caring, and truly loyal. You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games. Open to the world, you are not afraid to be yourself. If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Able to cope It's hard to sleep next to you because: You're a bed hog

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

kind, caring, loyal yes, quite true. easy going, trusting, pretty much. not afriad to be me - that’s for sure! I suppose I cope....it’s easier to when I don’t have to have contact with any people for a couple of hours - which I usually don’t.

The Phantom of the Laundry Room is There Inside My Nose

I've always seemed to have a very keen sense of smell, however, as I am not a dog, this attribute has done little to enhance my existance, most of the time it's just a bother.

I bought new detergent this week, by accident. I thought 'orriginal scent' was the unscented variety of Tide, but apparently not. I knew instantly when I unscrewed the lid that a fatal mistake had been made, but there was nothing for it, and I washed my clothes anyway. I was smart enough not to risk the pillow cases in that though. I swear my nose is too good! I've been distracted for the last three days by the smell of the new detergent. It's there, everywhere I go. I keep noticing it because it's not normal. It's not that it's a bad smell, it's just different, and my nose keeps bringing that to my attention. I have no idea how long it'll take to get used to it. I may give up and go buy the right kind before I do laundry again.

This brings me to an odd topic though.....You see, I'm on this quest, have been for years. There are these two elusive smells that I really like, but have been unable to find the source of. They are both 'clean' scents. One smells distinctly like clean laundry, but a very particular variety of clean laundry, and the other smells like some kind of bar soap. I've smelled them on other people a hundred times, but I've never been able to actually find a bar soap or detergent for sale in the grocery store that smells precicely like those ones I like. It's really very perplexing. How can they be in such common use, but not commonly found in the market? Of course the idea of asking people what soap and detergent they use has crossed my mind, but the trouble is I've only smelled them on people that I don't know well, and it would just seem really wierd to be asking your UPS delivery man what kind of soap he washes with =p It'd sound like some kind of lame pick up line or something "You smell so clean! I just love your detergent!" So while I'd love to try lots of different soaps to try to find whatever this one is, I also don't think my nose could handle all the other ones in between....sigh....

all in a dither

whatever is one to do when one wants equally to sing and to eat?

my hand and my mouth cannot figure what it is they are about....it's like playing the trying-to-pass-someone-in-the-hall dance with one's self.

thought of the day

Sometimes it’s harder to do the simple things than the difficult ones.

Things that are simple, easy, mundane are easier to put off or write off. We take them for granted. We’re not on the alert, not trying our best, not really thinking about them at all.....so we just don’t do them, or don’t pay enough attention to them when we do. We’re not alert or on guard when it comes to small things, but we are with big, important, difficult things. It’s easy to shrug off doing a simple worksheet for a boring class because it’s not worth the bother, it doesn’t have sweeping consequences - it’s easy to forget because it’s not big and looming. While doing a big paper is practically more difficult, we’re more likely to pay attention to it, to try harder on it, to not forget it; so it gets done, when the little worksheets don’t. So in a way....it’s easier to do the hard thing, than the easy one because fighting our laziness or inattentiveness is harder than doing the hard thing.

I was thinking about this not so much in regard to school (that was just an example), but life in general. It’s easy to spend a lot of money on a bunch of little things because we buy them without even thinking about them, but hard to spend the same ammount on one large thing because we see it as a big deal and take more time to consider it’s worth and look at our accounts. It’s easier to not do simple favors for other people all day, like opening a door, or giving them a random encouragement, or paying attention to what they’re doing and getting out of the way for them, or remembering to do a simple request like closing the door again on your way out, while it’s dificult to not stop everything and comfort someone who’s just heard that someone they love has died. Dropping everything and sitting with them is more inconveinent, or takes more effort than those other things, but it’s not easily put off. It’s easy to forget to thank God for little blessings like getting green lights all the way to work, or the cofee shop not being out of your favorite pastry, or finding the pen you misplaced, when we would never forget to spend a long time praying and thanking Him and praising Him to others for healing someone of cancer or a missions trip going really well.

Perhaps we need to be a little more intentional toward the small things. While they don’t of themselves have grand effects, there are a lot more of them than the ‘big’ things, and they do add up. All those little things can set the tone for a class, a relationship, or your very life.

Of course this is a lot easier contemplated than practiced. sigh.....

jurassic chores

I just saw the most ginormous moth. seriously this went waaaay beyond steroids. I'm telling you this thing was the size of a bat! which was what I thought it was at first when I opened the laundry room door, flipped on the lights, and saw this black thing flying around the bulb. I swear I heard it squeak - can they do that? do bugs even have vocal chords? I jumped back out the door and shut it as it swooped about. But then when I cautiously peeked in again it had settled on the curtain and I saw that it was actually a very large bug! like it was cross-bred with an ostritch or something. You hear about huge bugs, but you never actually see them. I'm sure I looked pretty odd crouched by the laundry room door and slowly creeping inside like I was spying, heh =) I managed to get my dry clothes without disturbing it agian. That was really rather scary though. Maybe an actuall bat would have been scarier, but it would have been pretty gross to be hit by a gigantic frenzied hairy moth too! heh......it was like Hagrid as a moth - 'too big to be allowed.'

waving the little white flag at wakefullness

ok I surrender. It's not even 1pm yet on this saterday and I don't think I can cling to sleep any longer. I've managed to totallly wrench my neck with all my turning over and insisting on burying my head again, so it's not like it's even comfortable anymore. I'd forgotten how good summer is at robbing you of sleep, that is, I'd forgotten how impossible it is to sleep when it's hot and you don't have air conditioning. Fans just don't do it for me. I naturally get really hot when I sleep as it is and just blowing more warm air at me doesn't nearly help enough. Then there's also the noise that I have to get used to again, and the constant tickling of the little wispy hairs in the wind which I will never get used to. As much as heat makes me feel like doing nothing but lying around, it also prevents me from sleeping very well or very long. sigh..... I think I'll go have some ice-cream for breakfast

one man's trash.....

not that you need to hear it agian, but this is going to be another one of those 'I am wierd' statements, probably which you've heard before, but I was thinking about this, so....blogpost. =)

(I'm working backward through a train of thought here)

Although I like to be truthfull even in those kind of formulaic verbal exchanges which are actually just an acknowlegement of our fellow beings rather than intrerested concerened inquireies or conversation starters, I have given up in some respects. While usually if I answer 'good' to 'how are you/how's it goin' which I more frequently do than most people I know, I truely feel that way and am not just giving you a 'Disney-fied' version of my outlook, I cannot say the same for my reply to such things as 'nice weather out' and 'it's a beautifull day isn't it?'. In these cases I just smile and nod and say yes. That is because nobody wants to hear me gripe when they're cheery and I've grown tired of having to try to explain why sunshine and heat and blue skys make me grumpy and ill and lazy, and how a good heavy thunder-shower right now would do loads for my disposition.

so, yes, I know, my treasure is (mostly) everyone else's trash. seems to happen that way a lot.

Which leads me to the subject of lemons. Actually they are a bit like sunshine now that I think about it (too caustic). People seem to like lemon. Maybe not eating actual lemons, but they definatley seem to have positive reactions to lemon flavored and lemon scented things (which are actually quite different from real lemons' smell and flavor which tends to be less sweet and more bitter, but they like that too). I, naturally, hate lemon anything. (I also hate- no, feel extreeme revulsion toward 'handi-wipes'. always have. they are slimey, and gross, and inevitably lemon scented!) So, naturally, they cut off our supply of nice, soft, absorbant, actually non-scented (not just we-didn't-try-to-cover-up-the-nasty-smell-of-this-scented) swiffers for dusting, and replaced them with lemon scented lysol wipes. I used to be the queen of dusting at work. not anymore. The also switched the regular nasty door-stop worthy frosted sugar cookies we get in the cafe (but which inevitably get delivered to me instead) to the ultra nasty door-stop worthy frosted lemon flavored cookies, which saturate their packaging in that lemony scent and after I open them it sits there reeking next to me in the trash can all afternoon. Meanwhile people rave about how good the cookies are now, and think the back-room smells nice.

My dislike of lemons extends to pretty much anything citrus, acidic, or sour. (though I adore pineapples even though they are citrus and acidic, but I like them because of their flavor, and only put up with the citrusyness and acidicness because of how much I like their sweet taste.) --remember I'm following a train of thought backwards here.-- So oranges and I are not really on friendly terms, although we do have a working relationship =)

and now I come to what I planned to post about in the first place: I had a new flavored yawn yesterday which so far takes the cake for nastiness over sharpie - orange scented chalk-board cleaner. yuck! not only would you not want to swallow that, but it's also infused with memories of childhood afternoons spent cleaning my mother's chalkboards after school. =(

sorry to sound so gripe-y I'm actually in a pleasant laid back mood seeing as it's friday and almost the longest day of the year so it's still a lazy warm-ish twillight outside at 8:30. happy solsitce =)

Open Ends

If I remember correctly the Kiersy Temperament Sorter says P’s (perceiving people) are supposed to like open-ended-ness more that closed-ness because they like the potential possibilities, the options. I’d say this is in many ways true of me. I do like to make tentative plans. I want them to be probable (or at least know the rough percentage of likelihood) so I can have some idea what to expect and prepare for, and how much to allow my hopes to get up, but I don’t like to have all the details set in stone. I may be disappointed if something doesn’t work out after all, but it doesn’t disturb the core of my being just for the fact that the plan changed. Yet I’m not a totally up in the air type person. Some things I do like to view as a ‘done deal’.
What I’ve recently been contemplating is that I’ve found that it is actually easier for me to quit something right in the middle, than at a 'natural' break. I always prefer to finish an entire unit of whatever, but if I’m not going to be able to finish it then it’s easier for me to just stop instantly rather than at a sub-division. This is especially true for books. If I finish a chapter I always feel compelled to flip the page and start the next, but I can fairly easily stop mid-sentence, fold the corner down, and be relatively unbothered by thoughts about the book till the next time I have a chance to pick it up again. I’m also this way with Knitting. If I finnish a row I automatically start into the next and it’s really a conscious struggle to make myself stop. But, if I just stop in the middle of the row I’m fine. Somehow stopping in the middle breaks me out of the ‘gotta get things done, gotta get things done’ mode. I can be extreemly driven by this need to accomplish which feeds itself (the more I accomplish the more motivation I have) to the point of forgetting and pushing aside things like sleep and food and the bathroom, etc. for hours upon hours upon hours. However, once some distraction unlocks me from that mode I’m able to just get up and walk away with hardly a backward glance. Which would also explain why I have many unfinished projects. Once away, their unfinished nature does not pleague my thoughts....the ‘get it done’ trance nolonger holds me. Once I am not working, not accomplishing, I find it quite easy to merely think about a project but never lift a finger. This explains why I don’t just get up early and do things. Once asleep, once comfy in bed I have little motivation to get out of it. I may think about things I’d like to do, but they have very little weight on the scale of choices. And this also explains why I have trouble going to bed; because once I finally do get around to starting something I get locked in and don’t want to stop till it’s completely done - partly because I know if I leave now in the middle it’s likely I won’t get back to it.
One thing in which I absolutely hate open-ended-ness in, however, is space. If I’m in a room I want the door closed. I don’t like open doors, they make me uneasy - I feel like I’m on display in a fishbowl. Open windows are also unsettling. While a room may need the breeze from outside I am always reluctant to open a window, or remain in a room once I have. If I do it feels rather like I’ve got the radio on quietly tuned to fuzz - it’s just back there, something’s not quite right, I can’t feel totally focused. I’m terribly sensitive to drafts which I find uncomfortable and distracting. I also greatly dislike un-used space. I’m not terribly fond of open space in general, but if it’s settled, if it’s used though open - which is possible - it’s ok. No-man’s-lands really bother on me though. I especially can’t stand unfilled corners. Even if the whole wall is empty, there HAS to be something in the corners (and if there’s a big lump of stuff in the center, I will probably divide it into the corners in order to feel more at ease). Another similar thing is that I simply cannot be on my bed without pulling the covers up. It just feels too wierd and open, because somehow the covers are supposed to be there. I also almost always prefer to have something in my lap if I’m sitting - no open space - the lap is a receptical for something, like an empty basket, it needs to be filled. I don’t walk around with blankets wrapped around me - unless I’m cold - but when sitting or laying, somehow it just seems like there ought to be something on top of me. I think somehow pulling the covers up or holding a couch pillow works like a bookend. It makes me feel settled, rather than having that open-ended tipping, on the edge of a cliff feeling. It says, you are here to stay, you are not about to get up, and thus allows me to relax, rather than feeling anticipatory.

Ultimate Dorkdom II

You know you're a dork when it's not toilet paper trailing behind you as you come out of the bathroom, but your friend's bathroom matt!

...But since this little episode took place at a good friend's house and not somewhere public it wasn't embarrasing, it was just really really funny =) You see, I've got these plain ordinary black knitt pants....which seem to be imbued with magnetic powers. I would say it's just loads of static, except that they don't cling to eachother, or my leggs, nor do they crackle. They do atrract constelations of white lint which won't come off, and they still have a few ornery burrs embedded in the hems from some wilderness ramble past, but there was no way that I could have expected to stand up from the pot with the entire -rather heavy rubber bottomed I might add- bathmat firmly affixed to my leggs. It was like velcro or something...only it wasn't velcro. anyway....heh...

too many cooks in the kitchen....or the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing

hooked on phonix, linguistics, creative thinking, spellling bees....there's just way too much in my brain jostling for control when it comes to typing.

I am writing this now because I just witnessed a very singular typo - performed by my very own fingers without the concent of my concious mind.

It wasn't one of those 'oops my fingers are clumsy' typos, no, it wasn't a stab in the dark becauase I have no clue how to spell this thing typo, it wasn't a linguistics gone ballistic typo, it wasn't a jumping ahead to catch up with my thoughts typo.... I think I'd have to call it an 'involuntary creative spelling'. The word in question was very common, and very simple, but something intervened and made it a bit more complicated. I didn't even notice it till I read over my paragraph, and then I had to do a double take. what was that? did I miss a t??

no, uh....I just typed 'my' as 'migh'.

- agh! and just here and now I typed 'as' as 'and'! Several things must be up there playing with the connections in my brain, switching them back and forth and fighting over how they ought to go..'is it red with red, or no, maybe it's blue with red' 'no you've got to connect the white one with the blue one, and the red one goes over here.' 'but then what do I do with the yellow?' 'oh, I don't know, just stick it somwhere'.... something like that, heh =)

Mornings

I lift my hands
Originally uploaded by aelthwyn.

I'm not a morning person....whenever I can I avoid getting up in the AM hours. But this isn't to say I actually hate morning. I hate having to get up and be sociable and productive and active in the morning yes, but there are something that I really love about the morning that you just don't get any other time of day. I love the quiet peacefullness, that fresh, serene atmosphere the early morning has.

Strangely enough I'm actually kind of glad I have to go to work as early as I do. Although I'd prefer not to get there till 3 pm, if I have to work in the morning I really don't want it to be any later than 8, because after that things start getting busy, and noisy, and hot. But early, when the sun hasn't been out for long the world is still at peace and I don't mind so much being out in it in my groggy state...it's not so overwhelming yet. I actually really enjoy my walks to work, particularly since I go through a couple parks and the main street has lots of nice landscaping along it. When my eyes are actually open (often I walk with them closed - I'm pretty good at that) I find my soul is fed by the beautifull dewy leaves and flowers and grass. I almost always want to stop and take pictures, but usually I don't have time. Earlier this week though I managed it, so here's my favorite one. I put up a few more on the flickr site - so go be refreshed =)

bloodletting II: maybe my subconcious has it in for me

I totally sliced my finger on a knife today while washing dishes. The very same finger, in fact, which I totally sliced a couple months ago on a broken glass - which still hasn't totally healed. It was definatley a gusher....I popped it in my mouth and ran about looking for a bandaid while emitting plaintive noises, but then I couldn't find the bandaids, and once I did I couldn't get one open one-handedly, but by the ammount of blood I was swallowing I didn't dare take it out and try to use it. After a long struggle I proved that it is actually possible to unwrap a bandaid one-left-handedly (I even neosporinized it=), so I stuck it quick under the faucet again and got it all bundled up in bandaids while it screamed at me. AND THEN as I'm sniffing back the tears my nose has the audacity to start bleeding! It's like my body was rebelling and trying to splurt as much blood as it could manage - as if it said "fine, you won't let me get it out that way, I'll find another, and you can't stop me! mwahahaha"

Black Jelly Beans

I am happy to announce a discovery for the few of you out there who, like me, eagerly accept others' cast off black jelly beans at Easter. Today I inadvertantly discovered a black-licorice lover's tea. The brand is "Wissotzky Tea" (found in the kosher section of Ralphs) and the flavor is very misleadingly named "Vanilla." The moment I broke the plastic seal, however, the sweet smell of anis filled my nostrels. Not what I expected, but it was no unpleasant surprise. Although the flavor wasn't strong, I found it rather addicting. In spite of the fact that I was really in the mood for some comforting vanilla and after the first sip to confirm the connection of the scent and the taste I set the cup aside, I kept finding myself thinking, 'well, just one more sip. okay, maybe one more. how about another. well I might as well finish it off.' =)

phantom rye bread

When I yawn I get these random after-tastes (they never have anything to do with recently eaten foods, in fact they're not even always foods at all). pretty wierd. Currently it's rye bread - like the ghosts of rye breads past coming back to haunt my throat, mwahaha! =) Chocolate yawns are pretty good. But sometimes it's stuff like sharpie marker, or clean laundry, or pine. I'd actually have to say the laundry one is my favorite - always makes me feel warm and fuzzy. yeah, I know I'm strange. heh.

do you have flavored yawns???

His voice

This is what He says to me:
Revel My child!
you are My joy
twirl and sing
that they may see
that they may hear
that I might laugh
for I made you to be My joy in the world

may I never let the eyes of men make me ashamed of His joy, for it is a gift beyond the worth of all the world.

sappyness gone sour, or 'Why is a vampire like a butterfly?'

I was looking at pictures of butterflies today. I was thinking awww...how sweet, a butterfly kissing a flower....AND sucking up it's nectar. It doesn't love the flower, it just wants to eat. So it struck me that butterflys are kind of like vampires.

Elfwood

I'm finally on elfwood! I don't have much up there, since most of my 'art' is nature photos which are on deviantart, but I had been meaning to join for several years now, so I'm glad I finally did =) I'm not sure why the thumbnails aren't showing up in my gallery there though - all you get is links with the titles. oh well. if you feel like it you can check it out.

http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/art/a/e/aelthwyn/aelthwyn.html

brownie darts

I got shot by one today in my own kitchen. I don't know where they're lurking around here, but I've suspected their presence for a long time.
I was just making some tea, minding my own business....I switched off the heat, turned around to reach for the tea container and the next thing I know my thumb is stinging for no apparent reason, till I look at it and see this little black sliver-like thing protruding from the center of it. I was not touching anything, let alone any wood so there's no way I could have gotten a splinter. Seriously, where did that come from!
so you have it, the only answer: brownie darts.

broken reccord

I love to sing, and when I'm alone I will often sing on and on without even really thinking about it, so much that I wear myself out and start to find myself annoying. One of the most vexing things is that my brain seems to get stuck on just a few tunes. And it's not like it's one tune for a while and then another one, and so forth...it's the same tunes for years and years. I wouldn't know the statistics but it's a good bet when I open my mouth one of about three tunes will pop out: Think of Me, and Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera, or Greensleves/What Child is this. Sometimes I think I would punch myself in the mouth if it were possible when one of those insists on blocking all other tunes from my mind. I'll stand there wanting to sing but not being able to make a peep unless it's one of those three, yet again. Or I'll suddenly find myself singing one of them for the 10th time that day and get the urge to just let out a blood curdling scream. I actually really like all those tunes, and I do enjoy singing them, just not over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over......

Life is Good

There are few things that make life beautifull like music.
I wish I could share all the songs I love with you, but of course what is beautifull to one isn’t always to another.
so go listen to your favorite song, and enjoy this glorious moment with me =)

you know you're reading too much manga...

noname-manga
Originally uploaded by aelthwyn.

"Customer Order: Name, No"
....when that looks like a real name.

....and then you draw a comic about your linguistically rewired brain malfucntions because you're having trouble thinking in prose. - I won't be starting my own web-comic, heh, but I captured the sequence pretty well. You'll have to view the pic in full size to actually read it*

Nah-may sounds like kind of a cute name don't you think?

*for those non-manga readers, if I know any, you have to read right to left, top to bottom - starting on the righthand page.

the grand scheme

"Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"

So we had this mandatory morning meeting from HELL. Some block-head decided the way to boost moral and spread Christmas cheer and enthusiasm was to drag everyone out of their beds before 7AM on a Saterday and make them play dumb games with a very pop-quizzish slant to them. However, God is good, even if it's not always to me. As I left the house I came upon a little worm writhing on the already dry pavement with a few ants crawling on him.
'Never fear! I shall save thee little bug!'
I scooped him up on a leaf and put him down in the midst of nice moist soil he could snuggle down into. Yes, God even cares about little worms...enough to boot me out of bed snarling and hissing. So maybe, when you(or I) need someone, He'll boot somebody else out of bed too. Somehow, as horrible as that morning was, it was all worth it, because one life was saved, even if it was only a worm's. When things aren't going your way, when all your world looks grey, maybe this moment isn't about you, maybe it's about someone else, maybe it's about a little worm frying in the sun. I guess He really was doing something for me though, I don't regret that day afterall. heh.

ok that was really sappy, but...*shrug*

Rachmoninov’s second piano concerto

The more I listen to it the more I like it.
I love the begining of the first movement after the initial piano when the strings join all heavy and dark and thick.
The seccond movement has one of the most tender sadly-sweet melodies I’ve ever heard. It’s so beautifull, during the begining part I have to pause and close my eyes and soak it in like a sponge* that has been in the desert. I can hardly help crying sometimes from the beauty of it.

If you get a chance listen to it and tell me what you think.

*I'm thinking ocean sponge, as in live animal sponge. But not as in Sponge Bob.

like talking with your mouth full at a nice restaraunt

reading certain books in public can be hazardous to your pride and social standing. ...well at least if you read like I do. I get very involved with the characters and react outloud. I make faces, giggle, squeal with delight, talk back, sometimes read aloud, and generaly interact with the book. Say...if one of the characters is being particularly stupid I will often roll my eyes and hit my forhead with the book, if something happens that I predicted I exclaim triumphantly, if something really happy happens I will bounce up and down and grin exstatically, etc. So....when walking or sitting in a public place this can draw some very unwanted attention. heh. like today. I had to put away my book as I walked home because I could tell I was gearing up towards making quite a scene on state street. You ask what book? I'm on the 8th volume of Hana-Kimi, a cute sappy romantic comedy manga.

Ulitmate Dorkdom

...the ongoing saga of the bloody cold.

So this morning I get up and lug myself off to work in the cold morning air and about three blocks from my house my nose starts to bleed, actually gush would be the best word to describe the event. I stop to get some kleenex from my purse and as I look down my dress now has several red stripes, lucky it's sort of a redish purple already. Now, if any of you remember it, I was wearing that purple swirly patterned 'eowyn' style dress I made a while back, but because it was cold I had my sweatshirt on over it - bad fashion choice, but I was sick and cold and tierd, and to top it off I was also wearing a pastel rainbow colored scarf because it happened to be the one that was out, and it's the snuggliest one I have anyway, so yeah, I looked pretty dorky when I left the house, but now I've got blood down the front of me and a couple of dry kleenexes ain't gonna fix it. I've got bigger things to be worried about though, like how not to leave a bloody red trail down the pavement. So there I am walking down the street in the morning sun with a soggy red kleenx pressed to my nose, held high so that instead of running down my hand into my sleve it's running down my throat, and my other hand pinching the bridge of my nose to try and stem the flow....which...isn't....working. I walk all the way to work looking like a complete dork, muttering curses on my nose, and leave a lovely bloodstained fingerprint on the bell by the door. My nose is still bleeding. The manager comes and lets me in. I explain. It's still bleeding. She turns on the faucet so I can wash my hands and get a wet rag without leaving more evidence. ....And it's still bleeding. She takes care of the first delivery guy. And I sit on the stool holding my nose like some kid in the principle's office who got in a fight, only I don't look angry and pouty, I look dull and miserable, and wondering if I can 'call in sick' on account of a bloody nose.

nose...running...red

yup...I've got a cold. I've been calling it 'allergies' for a week now, but my denial tactic doesn't seem to have worked.
I think my subconcious must be trying the old bloodletting treatment because I can't even count how many times I've had a bloody nose today. I'm sick of blowing it, but if I don't my head feels like it's going to explode. I think I've been through two boxes of kleenex today. I think the sinus medicine dries out the nasal pasages a bit too well and that's why it's bleeding all the time, ...or I just blow too hard, heh. Anyway it seems I have two choices it can run clear or it can run red, either way it's still running, ugh. Good thing I like pretty red on white =) If I were my mom I'd be passed out.
It's actually kind of nice though when I'm just laying here feeling all limp and snuggly surrounded by my two fuzzy moss green blankets.
I just thought I'd share the joy with y'all =)

Fuzzy Dreams

I recently had a dream in which I found a little beetle sized bunny with pink irridescent wings scampering about in some clover. It was sooo cute! I took it home with me and fed it veggies and it grew up to be a normal sized bunny, all white and furry and cuddly - with pink shimmery wings.
Then I had another dream in which I was playing with a really fuzzy little animal that looked kind of like a cross between a penguine and a polar bear cub. It didn’t have a beak and it was fluffy but it was colored like a penguin and had flipper like wings. It was so cute how it waddled around on the snow drifts.
I guess I must have been feeling particularly snug and cuddly or something. =)
sigh, I like happy dreams.

Pathetic =)

IMing-cut
Originally uploaded by aelthwyn.

.....the window rattles, the house creaks, the computer fans whirr, keys go tatta-tap, somebody snickers.....
yes, that's right, we're IM-ing eachother. We were going to watch a movie, but then we ended up sitting there chatting online for about 3 hours I think. heh...geeks! =)

"profound" thought of the day

People often talk of the deceased as 'looking down on them' from heaven.
If that's all the afterlife is, then the closest thing to Heaven on Earth is TV.

neapolitan toes

I went through my closet this weekend and found a bunch of shoes that I never wear, so I decided I ought to try them out and see if I might actually ever want to wear them agian. Unfortunately I chose to try some out this morning and halfway to work I realised that they were a bad choice. When I finally got there and inspected my feet I dsicovered I now had neapolitan ice-feet. Cold, vanilla skin, chocolaty brown mud splotches (thanks to this weekend's rain) and bright strawberry blisters. yum =)

Never ask a Lady that

So I decided to finally go and get a library card, after having moved almost a year ago.
'How old are you?' the library clerk asks me.
The world stops. I stand there like a deer in the headlights. What am I supposed to say? My mind is a complete blank. I have no idea how old I am! I've never been good with math in my head so trying to figure it out from my birthday is going to take me half a century. The clock is ticking. The clerk is staring at me. I have to say something! Then as my mind is still groping around in the amnesiatic dark I hear my mouth spit out "21." Not untill several sentenses later, in the middle of a surprised "you don't look that old" speech does it occur to me 'wait a moment, what did I say? that's not how old I am! umm.... that would be, oh yeah, 24.' But what am I supposed to do? say "wait a minute, actually I'm 24, I don't know why I said 21, but I really do know how old I am, and yeah, that's how old I really am, really." If 21 was pushing it, how on earth could I be convinceing with 24? Feeling too stupid to try to correct myself I just took the card and made a run for it. Oh well.

Bee Season Open

Around our appartment complex there are a number of Trumpet/Lily type bushes (I’m not good with plant names). The bees love them. You walk down the little garden path and it sounds like you’re in a computer lab complete with buzzing florescent lights. The strange thing is, these bees seem to be dropping like flies. It’s quite treacherous for us bare-footers when the sidewalk is peppered with little booby-trapped corpses resting in peace with stinngers pointed up toward that big rose garden in the sky. Going down to check the mail has become reminiscent of Indianna Jones adventures, you have to watch your step and watch for things whizzing past your head at the same time. Is there some kind of Bee Pleague going around? Poisoned flowers? Homicidal stealth wasps protecting their territory from squatters? -Or how about this: the killer poisoned the bees and placed them on the sidewalk path expecting his target to step on them and then appear to have died from a severe allergic reaction to bees!

total randomness

Do you ever get a word or phrase stuck in your mind? well this morning I woke up with one repeating it'self to me over and over: scintillating rubber noodles. Over my chex this morning I thought to myself -yes, I've cracked.

reflection of the day

In general, once people get on a road, no matter how much it sucks, or how far out of the way it’s taking them, they rarely bother to take a different one.

yes I am feeling cynical.

Peachy =)

this is a divine moment. I think ambrosia must taste like bryers peach ice cream. mmmm.... yes this moment is beautifull.

Fads and Obsessions

A psychological observation and inquiry.

I have noticed that there are people who obsess and people who don’t. Another way of saying what I mean when I say obsess here is that some people are prone to fads. A fad being: "A fashion that is taken up with great enthusiasm for a brief period of time; a craze." (from dictionary.com) I’m not sure what all the not-obsessive types would be, though one would be the kind that just doesn’t get excited about anything, in fact doesn’t really do or think about anything they don’t have to, I know some people like this. Anyway, the Obsessors seem to make up a good deal of the population - how else could pop-culture survive? That is not to say that all pop-culture savvy people are obsessors, nor that obsessors don’t obsess over many other things that are not popular - there are thousands of little one-person fads going on out there.

The characteristics of the Obsessor or Fadd-ish person, as I think of that personality type, are these: 1a) they are constantly finding new things they really like, 1b) they do not continue to really like most of these things for more than a few months to a year on average. 2) they will go to great lengths to discover all they can about the topic they are currently obsessed about (this may include anything from reading a number of heafty books, to stalking, to fumbling into highly embarrasing situations in the attempts to gain some connection with their obsession) 3) they are driven to collect as much paraphanalia associated with their obsessed topic as possible, and usually display it all prominently in their room, attempting to cover every inch. 4) it is difficult to talk to them about anything else, in fact it is dificult to talk to them at all because usually they are busy talking to you and anyone else who will listen about whatever it is they are obsessed with - this is because they cannot get it off their mind for a moment -every new topic leads back to this one. 5) they have a tendancy to try to appear to be experts on their topic, even with people who could care less about it -which means they won’t gain any respect from that individual. It doesn’t matter, they want to feel like an expert anyway.

The two main charactersistics are that Obsessors get extreemly interested and excited about things (that’s the obsession part of course), but they do not stick with one thing for very long (that’s the fad part). It seems it is impossible for them to be interested in more than one thing at once, but their interest is very intense.
I think it would be interesting to do a study on how much people actually remember from their previous obsessions. I think they probably do retain much of it, but it ceases to be constantly on their minds. Their paraphanalia is relegated to the back of drawers, boxes on the highest shelf, the far corner under the bed, and their vast stores of trivia filed away under ‘nostalgia’ or ‘I can’t believe I was into that’ categories of the mind.

Now it seems to me that in general people who stay very interested in one thing their whole life do not tend to obsess quite as much - we see charicatures of such people frequently enough; people whose whole life is centered around one thing, who don’t posess anything not related to it, who don’t talk about anything else, but I don’t think I’ve ever met one. Another difference seems to be that obsessors tend to focus on something more specific, while people who keep a deep interest over their lifetime tend to be interested in a broader subject, and will at various times be focused in on certain details of that topic, but without treating each with a greater enthusiasm than they show for the subject as a whole. An example could be perhaps one person who is really ‘into’ golf their whole life, and a person who is really ‘into’ Tiger Woods. The seccond person probably has interest in other golfing things only because of their connection with Tiger Woods, while the first person may be fairly interested in Tiger Woods because of his significance in the broader subject of golf. The first will watch many players, and will probably play golf himself because he enjoys it, while the seccond will only watch Tiger Woods play, and may try to learn how because he wants to be like Tiger Woods. The first might own one poster of Tiger Woods, perhaps, while the seccond will probably own several, and a key chain, and a calendar, and a hat,... and clippings of all the news or magazine articles about him.

I have never quite been able to understand the ‘serial obsessor’ types. For myself, whenever I discover something new I like it doesn’t overthrow my other likes. I also tend to learn and accumulate more slowly. As far as I can tell, the topics I like to talk about are pretty much always the same, and usually if I can’t stop talking about something it’s more likely to be a thought which is either troubling or which has suddenly hit me, rather than a thing or person, and doesn’t last more than a few days. I may often say similar things, or be reminded of the same things often, but they are of a wide variety, that is, unconnected to eachother.

I think part of what causes the fads of these obsessive people is that they are naturally intense and passionate, but are searching for a focus for these atributes, or rather, searching for themselves. Naturally everyone searches for himelf in some capacity, and in doing so will try out different interests, but these trials or phases are just more apparent in obsessive people because of their intense persuit.

The interesting thing to me is that with each new idea or topic they will passionately profess it is ‘SO true’ ‘SO right’ ‘SO wonderfull’ whatever it is, it is the only thing worthwhile. But how can they not notice that whatever is so right keeps changing, and therefore how can they be sure this time it is so right, since, after all, they have proven themselves wrong so often before, sometimes coming to despise their former tastes. Do they live so totally in the moment that they do not remember when they felt the same way about something else? That they cannot foresee this current feeling giving itself up for something different? How can one cope with this? How can one loose or reject or forget ones deepest passions? those things which give one individual identity and define one’s soul and approach to life? I am not meaning to sound criticle here so much as ask an honnest question, for I cannot immagine it myself. If I should ever stop liking fantasy, dragons, fairies, longing for Scottland, loosing myself if Beethoven’s music, wearing long skirts and loving to dress up in renaissance clothes, prefering long hair..... then I should feel as though I had ceased to be myself. These are so much a part of me, these are things which I feel intensely about, which I persue and love and preach, and surround myself with. How could I loose intrest in any of them without loosing part of myself? I am convinced I could not. But perhaps for some people this is not so. Perhaps they do not have a sense of losing themselves, or perhaps in spite of their intensity their obsessions never are as much a part of them as mine are to me? I do not know, though I should like to be able to understand. I may be entirely mis-percieving and mis-judging things in regards to such people. In any case, there are my observations. If you have any differing insights I would love to hear them.

Christmas in July

Well it's not quite July yet, but anyway, a couple days ago I made Gingerbread cookies to satisfy my craving, and today I am sporting a bright shiney rudolf nose, my souvenire from a nice day at the beach. I even got myself a gift: a pretty new bookshelf. yay! my room looks so much nicer. Yes, I am full of happiness and warm fuzzies.